


Relapse

by thedevilyouknow106



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms
Genre: Actually a Slow Burn, Angst and Feels, Auri is back and she's bringing Uncle Mer-mer, F/M, Family Feels, How Do I Tag, trust me - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2019-12-18 14:14:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 42,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18251504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedevilyouknow106/pseuds/thedevilyouknow106
Summary: Here's what happens when Beth and Daryl manage to mess up a perfectly good happily ever after. This story is the sequel to Fix that's been hanging around waiting to be published for almost the past year now.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So, funny story, I've had a few chapters of this story ready to go for a while now, but when everything got so crazy, I thought it would be better to wait than to post some of it and then leave you hanging like I did with FotW. Speaking of which, I am still working on that as well. I'm just trying to get back into the swing of things here.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who kept leaving me comments. The people who read my work for the first time or the third or however many times and let me know - you guys are the reason I'm back. 
> 
> As far as this story goes; I'm going to ask you all to have a little faith at first and get through the angst. I hope to make it all worth it in the end. Another thing, just as a heads up, I'm going to be working a lot with unreliable narrators and miscommunication so be on the lookout for that. ^.~
> 
> Happy reading, you beautiful people. :D

**Chapter 1**

**Friday, March 29th**

He’d messed up.

But then...that really wasn’t anything new.

This most recent fuck up wasn’t anything dire, nothing to even slow him down. In the great scheme of all the things he’d fumbled, it was the lightest of them by far. Couldn’t get to thinking about those others though, couldn’t bear to go down that rabbit hole. The scale was a large and varied one, and the worst of it stretched to such lengths that his mind skittered away from it without having to be told. Better to just stick with the shit that was on his plate right now, on what was at hand in the immediate future.

The rest of it could fuck off for a bit.

He’d be dealing with it hard and fast in a matter of hours anyhow.

This latest mess up involved a certain, _almost_ three-year-old, falling asleep at seven the night before, and a daddy too damn _tenderhearted_ and dumb to wake her up. Which meant said two-year-old had just snuck into his predawn bedroom, tiny little feet not giving her away so much as the four-foot long blanket that she dragged behind her. Keeping his eyes closed, Daryl considered his options as they were. Sometimes, when God was smiling down on him, his daughter would see him still asleep and crawl into bed with him, wait until he got up or fall back asleep herself.

But other times…

“S’walkin’ time, Da.” Said in the loudest stage whisper in the world, he felt as she sidled closer to his nonmoving form. “S’woods walkin’ time, Da”

Figured, that that big judgmental prick in the sky was picking today to be vindictive.

Just really set the tone for how things were probably going to go.

Cracking an eye open, he was greeted with a very near view of his girl. Hall light spilling into his room, he noted the way a small percentage of her shockingly soft blanket was bunched in chubby toddler arms, the blue fabric trailing behind her like a bumbling caterpillar. Hair a couple shades darker than his own and twice as light in weight, it swayed in an ethereal little cloud around her face. His high cheekbones softened with baby fat and tinged with pink, his mouth, but the slightest bit fuller and redder. Eyes that were that same far-flung blue as she’d always had, a true navy shade, and shot through with lighter electric hues, they seemed to hide so much more than they showed.

“Mornin’ Kit.”

His reward was a smile so broad it halfway closed those beautiful blues before she was shoving her blankie onto the mattress and into his side. Daryl lifted a tired arm and pulled the thing out of the way so that she could scamper on up after the fuzzy covering. Sockless feet still managed to slip on the wooden frame, until he helped boost her up by her pajama bottoms. Auri crawled carefully closer until she could peer at him, warm hand sloppily but lovingly pawing away the hair that hid some of his face from hers.

“You gonna git up?” she asked, hand soft on his cheek, immediately continuing without giving him a chance to answer. “You gonna git up an’ put on you shirt an’ go woods walkin’ with me?” The hand that had been smooshing his face moved to pat his back reassuringly in a well-practiced routine that she’d developed when waking daddy. “You put yo shirt on over you owies, and we go walkin’?”

Half of his mouth curled up.

“Yeah Kit, we c’n go walkin’.”

Little lips peppered his bare back with kisses, each one with an accompanying smacking sound and her added _mwah mwah_ as his scars were shown more attention than he’d ever thought to be comfortable getting. But this ritual was one that happened almost daily, and today it only made his eyes burn instead of water. And that was mostly because after all this time she still remembered to do it, even though the other set of lips, the ones that’d started the habit, were no longer there to cover his other side with tingling spots.

When she was satisfied with her work, Auri leaned back to the side to smile at him brightly, clearly pleased with herself.  His mouth curved up in an answering grin that made her laugh in a tinkling way. Daryl raised his arm, rolling slightly, and her body launched itself forward, chasing a hug that he barely had time to catch her for without their faces colliding. Surprisingly strong arms, for all their tiny size, viced around his neck as she pressed their cheeks together until his teeth hurt.

“I give your owies loves, so we c’n go walkin’,” she informed him, grip tightening slightly as he rolled them over so she was on his chest. “I can go with you Da, I can.”

His heart condensed too far as if someone had accidentally tread over it with some heavy ass work boots, hearing the note of trepidation in her statement. Like he’d leave her, or that _anyone_ would do so willingly. Arms constricting just that much more, Daryl released her suddenly to prod careful fingers along her ribs and legs.

“Ya can huh?” he asked, eliciting high pitched squeals from her. “Ya think so?”

“Yeah!” Her laughter was so bubbling; he felt it in his lungs like carbonation and continued tickling. Auri’s compact little form wiggled and twitched, but she stubbornly refused to release her hold on his neck. _“Daddy!”_

Daryl thought his teeth might even be flashing as his smile steadily grew.

“Alrigh’,” he conceded, letting her breathe and sat up. One arm banded her to him as she made sounds like almost-laughs, clearly not sure if she could trust him to keep his fingers from her sides. Auri all but vibrated between his forearm and sternum. “If ya wanna go walkin’ ya gotta use your potty, brush yer teeth, an’ wear yer coat.”

A whine sounded in his ear. “ _Nooo_ , Da.”

The sigh was heavy in his chest as she shook her head against his. Potty training, why in the world did his kid have such an issue with this? Fuckin’ people had always reassured him that girls were so much easier than boys in this particular area. But so far, his little girl was fighting tooth and nail...depending on the day...and the hour.

“Then we can’ go walkin’, Kit, them are the rules lil’ girl.”

Silence.

And then…

“Ok!” Change enough to give him whiplash, his kid let loose of his neck and started scrambling off the bed. “Fast, Daddy, le’s go!” Legs that were still a tad unsteady in the motor skills department took her away with a wobbling run, and he was quick to hop up and follow her.

They went through the motions without a hitch and high-fived after getting her hands washed, and Daryl marveled (in resigned irritation) at how well she did when she wanted to. Kid continually baffled him, seemed to get him way easier than he did her, which was monstrously unfair considering their age difference. But that was another thing he was pretty well goddamned versed in, so it didn’t rile him too much. People, specifically of the female type, were prone to send him stumbling all over the place, and did so rather easily it felt like.

Well, a couple of them did anyway.

Auri sat on the counter, and they brushed their teeth together, making faces at one another in the bathroom mirror. Finishing first, as usual, since she tended to get distracted while watching herself in the mirror, Daryl rinsed his mouth and took a few uninterrupted moments to consider his kit. Big day coming up, his guts writhed with the anxiety of it, but he had to keep things running smooth. Damn kid was like his personal mood ring, advertised his feelings, destroyed the use of his poker face. He still didn’t lie as a rule, especially not to Auri, but hell if he hadn’t learned to sugar coat the shit out of certain things, or smile through the pain to offset her radar.

Speaking of which.

He gave her a lopsided one now as she looked at him once again, remembering to keep brushing when she did. Pale coloring going pearly in the soft bathroom light, she looked angelic, with or without the toothpaste and spit smeared across her round cheeks.

“After walkin’ we gotta getcha dressed up nice alrigh’?” Auri’s eyes immediately sparked up with excitement at his words. “L’let ya pick out whatever dress ya want, but’cha gotta hold still for me when I fix yer hair. Da needs all the help he c’n get, yeah?”

She nodded enthusiastically, managing to track a shining trail up to her nose and down her chin.

He steeled himself, breath wavering more than he’d like.

“Ya wanna look pretty for Mama when we meet her at the airport, right?”

Auri’s face went blank with lack of recognition and Daryl felt the writhing in his gut go from a little old Ribbon Snake to a full-on Timber Rattler in a blink - mind shooting back a few weeks, he couldn’t dislodge the memory that whirled through his mind.

_His phone was ringing -_

_Why in the holy fucking hell was his phone ringing?_

_His hand flew off the bed and swung heavily at open air, nearly made him topple right the fuck onto the floor. Head finally coming up off of his pillow, he stared at the empty place next to his bed. Light from his phone’s screen made a cone of disorienting brilliance on the wall, and it finally kicked in for him, why things looked strange. Took longer than it should have, it’d been months, how was he still not used to it?_

_He’d told her she could take the nightstands when she left._

_After that last fight._

_Diving down, he scooped the device up, eyes squinting at the screen, heart knocking into his throat when he saw the picture that’d come up with the caller ID. He tapped the screen, bringing the phone to his ear while clearing his throat, still managing to croak out a confused greeting._

_“Beth?”_

_A watery breath answered him, and like an idiot, his other hand shot out to check the bed beside him. Like she’d be there, or regardless of the long collection of months, he’d still be able to feel her body heat on his sheets. Unsurprisingly, his hand hit nothing but a cold mattress, and he gave his head a bit of a shake, blinking his eyes as rapidly as possible before hauling himself upright. He had an insane urge to go and check Auri. As if the only reason she’d have to call him would have to do with the kid._

_And not a plethora of other shit that’d been plaguing them going on close to a year now._

_“She’s gonna forget me.” The statement was said slowly, punctuated every other word with a deep breath in order to complete the sentence. Daryl felt a pang like an engine block getting dropped on his chest when his feet landed on the floor, shoulders hunching as he rested his elbows on his knees and his forehead in his palm. “I shouldn’t go.”_

_The last word barely got through before the sounds of her soft crying came over the line, and Daryl hated himself with a ferocity he hadn’t felt since finding out he’d ignorantly brought a child into the world by way of a nameless junkie, subjecting said little soul to pains she should never have felt. Here again, was hurt laid at his feet because of choices he’d made._

_“Ain’t gonna forget ya,” he said lowly, calm and gentle like he did when Auri managed to skin a knee or have a nightmare. “S’only for a week, Beth. Lil’ Kit ain’t gonna forget her mama in just a’ week.”_

_Beth got quieter. Instead of reassuring him, he knew without seeing her that she’d only begun to cry harder. Daryl could easily picture her curled up on her childhood bed, maybe even in that little side bathroom off of her room, one arm hugging her knees while the other held the phone away so that he couldn’t hear._

_With a surge he was on his feet, prowling through the house they’d rented together, that used to be all of theirs, but now basically was only he and Auri’s._

_He needed a cigarette._

_His feet whispered over the hardwood floors, expertly avoiding strewn toys and random household items Auri had taken a liking to. His eyes snapped around to the many large windows that all unveiled some snapshot of the woods outside. He got the back door unlocked and opened, each of his movements housing barely restrained aggression. Bare soles and heels on the chilled boards, Daryl was grateful for the leaching of heat from his over-warm body. He refused to say anything, all the possibilities in his head sounded too hollow, might make her think he was trying to get her off the phone._

_His cigarette was lit and he’d gotten one decent drag when her voice came back on the line._

_“You don’t get it,” she said, more despair than accusation in the statement. “When we’re together now it’s like...it’s like…”_

_She broke off._

_His thumb was moments away from sliding off the ridge of his brow to dig out his fucking eyeball with the pressure he was exerting to avoid gathering up Auri and driving to the Greene Farm at...he pulled his phone back to look at the screen...three o’clock in the morning._

_“It’s like she’s finally gettin’ it, that I’m not her-”_

_“Don’t.” He sounded goddamned strangled, the attempt at talking doing its best to choke him. “Tha’s not it. Alrigh’? You been busy with classes is all. She’s just been spendin’ more time with me.”_

_“All she says,” another break, hard breath, “is that she wants her daddy. She’s fine when she’s with my parents, but with me....”_

_The skin bunched under his thumb as his brows furrowed in thought._

_“When she’s upset here wi’ me, she says she wants ‘er mama.”_

_Quiet. A sniffle._

_“You just sayin’ that?” A twitch of his lips over the pain in his chest. “You sure she wasn’t talking about Flower Mommy?” She added to the question another one that was almost lower than he could catch. “Or Jessie?”_

_His face screwed up in confusion._

_“Stop, ya know it’s you.” He wasn’t sure what was happening to his tone right now. It was turning into something warmer than strict consolation warranted. “S’always gonna be you, girl. C’mon now.”_

_Steady breaths met this, and Daryl felt a slight amount of weight roll off of him._

_“I know,” she said at last, and then again, stronger. “I know. I do. You’re right. Classes are just stressin’ me out…”_

_There was a silence then, like the quiet before the kill, but he swallowed his way through it - didn’t let it color his response any kind of way._

_“I know.” Something eased, Daryl couldn’t have explained to anyone how he knew that Beth had calmed down, that they’d successfully navigated some unknown minefield just now, but it was true all the same. “Could bring her ta’ see ya off at the airport if ya want.”_

_His adrenaline fluttered at the idea._

_Another pause, this one thoughtful, but he could almost hear her shake her head before the answer came._

_“No I, I mean we already said goodbye today. Don’t wanna upset her all over again.”_

_A nod she couldn’t see, and he crushed the idiotic disappointment that was seeping through his lungs with the nicotine and cigarette smoke._

_“Makes sense.”_

_“Thank you, Daryl.” It sounded rushed, but that didn’t lessen the surprise he felt at hearing the words in any event. “You didn’t have to do that. Talk me off the ledge and all...I shouldn’t have called maybe.” He opened his mouth but snapped it shut when she steamrolled on. “I heard you when you said what ya did. I don’t plan on makin’ this a habit, ok?”_

_“S’fine Beth,” he said, finishing his smoke and stubbing it out in the ashtray._

_Damn silly thing was shaped like a giant tortoise. Beth had come home with it after some shopping trip, said there was no reason why he should have an ugly old can as an ashtray when there were cute alternatives._

_Auri called it Franklin…_

_Christ, there wasn’t a single fucking thing in his life that didn’t remind him of the two of them._

_“You really think it’ll be ok?”_

_“Goin’ ta’ Ireland, woman.” He smiled to himself a little, before running a tongue tip over his bottom lip. “Take that scary ass sister a’ yours an’ enjoy yourselves. Tell Tara an’ Denise I said ta’ keep y’all hydrated, alrigh’?”_

_A breath of a laugh made him shut his eyes._

_It’d been the longest time since he’d heard even the ghost of that sound.  And months since he’d seen or talked to her directly. He was a recovering addict, getting a second-hand high that he knew he shouldn’t chase. Being clean and sober from his habit had left him unfulfilled and wanting, but he’d made his bed and all that. The thing was a bitch to sleep in these days. He couldn’t be sure anymore, if his abstinence was fucking worth it._

_Their silence was a different breed than what it had been. It seemed to him that they were dragging it out, listening intently to the nothingness on the other side, hoping it would last a little longer. Both of them reluctant to get off the now stagnant line._

_But that could’ve been wishful thinking on his part._

_“So,” she said, haltingly as if she hadn’t thought past that first word. “You’re doin’ ok?”_

_He ran a blunt fingernail over his sweats-covered kneecap. There was no good way of answering that, no way that didn’t involve either lying or telling her something that would, without a doubt, make things more awkward. A reply was still attempting to work its way out of him when she sighed._

_“Well, I guess, I guess I’ll let ya go.”_

_“L’meet ya at the airport.” He had no control over his goddamn mouth. “When y’all get back, me an’ Kit we’ll be there.”_

_There was rustling like she’d sat up or somehow changed position._

_“Really?”_

_He grunted in answer. “Didn’t yer folks get internet an’ all that?” At her affirmative_ mhmm _, he kept going, because he was clearly all in at this point. “They can do that Skip thing-”_

_“Skype,” she corrected, in a familiar knee-jerk kind of way that tugged at him._

_“We’ll work out the time difference,” he muttered, feeling red-faced for some reason. “Can bring Auri over to your parents.”_

_He hoped she didn’t point out that he could do the same thing from his place without having to make the trip. If he was going to be able to follow through on his word, and see her in a week, he’d need the days in between now and then to prepare for it._

_“Could text me pictures.” Yeah, there was definitely a burn going steady in his cheeks and the tips of his ears - been a while since that had happened. “L’show ‘em to ‘er if…” He had to clear his throat to continue. “If it’ll make ya feel better about it.”_

_He wasn’t sure when exactly he’d gotten to his feet, had started pacing the back quarter of the wraparound porch while he waited for her answer._

_“That’d be…” He was pretty sure she’d started crying again, but it wasn’t that desperate kind that it had been earlier, so it didn’t panic him nearly as much. “Great. It’d be_ so _great, thank you.”_

_“Ain’t nothin’.” And it wasn’t, not in comparison to the things she and her family had done for him and Aurora. Plus, together or not, he couldn’t stop himself from trying to make Beth Greene happy. “Git some sleep, girl. Got a’ long ass trip tomorrow.”_

_“Ok,” she said, conceding. “Goodnight, Daryl.”_

_“Night Beth.”_

He’d done all of it too.

Taken Auri over, or had whoever was watching her take her over so that Beth could see her and the two could visit about all of what was happening during _Mama’s Adventure_. Listening intently from the front porch or next room like some creep-ass voyeur as the two groups talked excitedly back and forth. Dosing himself with hits of Beth’s voice, her laughter, trying to introduce her back into his system by small amounts.

Feeling that good old rush with a shiver of anticipation that he couldn’t help.

Heart floating up instead of beating as it should, each time his phone buzzed with a new image of her and the others, all beaming and happy, swathes of green and stone grey stretching out behind them.

Just another little hit, a little taste of her.

Only, now it appeared he might have a bigger issue on his hands, Auri blinking at him as if she’d never heard the word “mama” before in her life. Illogical as all hell, he couldn’t stop the dread from padding around his gut on big ole’ wolf paws and settling down all at home and shit. Like he normally did, Daryl repeated the question in a slightly different way, trying to figure out just which part of it was throwing his girl for a loop.

“You excited ta’ see Mama?”

Auri chewed on the bristles of her toothbrush thoughtfully for a moment. “Mama’s at school?”

Usually true these days, and a much better answer than a blank stare.

“Mama’s been bye-bye on her adventure,” he said lightly, reminding her. “Wen’ across the big lake an’ everythin’. _Real_ far.” The toothbrush left her mouth as fine brows bunched. “You remember? Been talkin’ to ‘er an’ Aunt Maggs on Nana Netty’s and Papaw’s computer?”

A little bulb seemed to go off, and his sigh of relief happened right when her gasp did.

“Mama’s over the _ocean_!”

Daryl grinned, he hadn’t thought that she’d remember the new word, but the kid was like a sponge...when she wanted to be. Dropping her toothbrush in the sink, she scooted around on the countertop, almost toppling over in excitement.

“Mama’s in my toy!” At his confused look she giggled and shook her head. “Not my _toy_ , her in a _plane_ .” Kid delivered the clarification like _Daryl_ had been the one to say that Beth was currently living in Auri’s Little People plane that was currently “parked” somewhere near the fireplace out in the living room.

“Right, an’ we’re gonna go get her.”

Auri’s mouth went into a jaw-dropped look of complete shock, eyes cartoonishly huge.

And then the cascade of words started.

“We go an’ get Mama? Ok! Ok! I can go with you Daddy, I can. An’ we go get Mama an’ we all go in you car, an’ then we come home. We go an’ Mama can come home, for a minute jus’ for a minute, Daddy. Ok?” He shook his head, but Auri was reaching for him, and he couldn’t quite get the words out to stop her. “An’ we can swing, an’ sing sunshine, an’ just for a minute an’ then Mama go to school with her backpack, but we go, come home first ok?”

“Kit,” he began, holding her as he headed for her bedroom. “I don’ know if Mama can come home yet, alrigh’? But if she ain’t too tired we’ll see if she wants ta’ go git some food or somethin’, go to the place with the big toy in’nit.”

The glow receded from her cheeks right in front of his eyes, and Daryl had to blink away as she started speaking again, this time slower, uncertain.

“Mama’s at school still?”  

_Fuck._

He didn’t have the skill necessary to make this understandable.

“Yeah Kit, she’s gotta go back to school. She’s got a lil’ while though, we’ll ask her to play for a bit ‘fore she heads back.”

Her gaze twisted its way into him, and Daryl barely overcame the impulse to shrug the tightness out of his shoulders. If he looked at her face, he’d be done for, that shit had been rough enough the first time around when she was younger and just cried all the time when Beth didn’t come home each night. He’d survived it because he’d had to, because it was necessary, and because it was his damn fault that it was happening in the first place. Having her ability to talk so well now, to plead, to beg, that’d get bad real fast.

Needed to avoid it if he could.

“I want my mama.”

Like any of her other emotions, sadness hit her quick. No doubt if he were man enough to look over at her now, instead of feigning serious consideration of what outfit to put her in for their walk, he’d see those lips that’d littered his back with kisses pressed together and down curving. It was the eyes that’d get him though. He was the world’s biggest wimp when it came to his girls and tears -

Not his girls.

Girl.

Just Auri.

But Auri was as much Beth’s as she was his. That was for damn certain. Like that talking thing, kid would run on a mile a minute, given that there were only people she knew well in the area to hear her. About the time someone she only saw now and then entered the vicinity, Kit would clam up quick, turn into the exact approximation of her daddy. Worse maybe, because no one would be able to get even a grunt or smile from her, girl would turn all stoic and needy.

But when it was just him, or her grandparents - or Beth - she’d sing and shine like a star.

“Gonna get yer mama,” he said matter of factly, after taking a moment to get his shit together. “In just a little while, now ya still wanna go woods walkin’ or not?”

The silence dragged on, interspersed with the muffled sounds of his rifling through her closet.

“Yeah.”

Small, not excited about it anymore.

He fucked up again couldn’t help it, turning, he glanced at her and met with a listlessly staring little kit, who watched his mindless movements. It wasn’t like he could change his answer, or make it all better for his baby girl, and not for the last time he found himself gathering all his self-loathing and balling it together. He kept it somewhere under his ribs for safe keeping.

His ears caught the sound of his front lock opening, and he tensed, it was still early. Might not even be five yet.

_Who?_

The door swung open and he was trying to decide between putting Auri down or taking her with him when a voice bellowed through the house.

“ _Honey!_ I’m _home!_ ”

_Jesus fuckin’ Christ._

“Mer-mer!”

Daryl barely got Auri balanced on two feet before she was tearing out of the room and towards the front of the house, small feet pounding the hardwood floors. Snatching the first two items that looked warm enough, he made his trek down the hall to the large living room. The house was set up similarly to the way his old cabin had been. Communal areas all open floor plan, but in this residence, one hall led to one of the spare rooms and the laundry room, while the other hall led to the other spare room, one of the bathrooms, and the master which had a bathroom as well.

Daryl still couldn’t believe he lived in a house with two bathrooms, felt fucking ostentatious most of the time.

Ostentatious...he really needed to stop cyberstalking Beth’s Pinterest boards.

Cyberstalking.

He really needed to stop using his phone so goddamn much.

Merle had Auri up in his arms by the time Daryl hit the living room, giant grin firmly in place as his niece planted a big kiss on his cheek. Rawboned and hard-edged, his big brother still looked like one of the last people someone would want to run into in a back alley. He’d been out of jail though, since the last time, held down a graveyard shift at the superstore - pocketed items now and then to keep life interesting. Long as he wasn’t snorting or shooting anything, Daryl didn’t really give a shit about that last part of Merle’s work ethic.

Keeping Auri’s uncle clean was enough of a miracle without expecting model behavior.

Not to mention the man had _best_ stay away from anything harder than alcohol, considering his mooching ass still lived with them - basically.

“Yer lucky she was already up,” he said, the warning not a light one, not that it affected Merle any. The grin turned into a smirk as he hugged Aurora to him. “Told ya not t’do that shit this early.”

“Daddy,” Auri said, tone disapproving. “Don’t say _shit_.”

Daryl’s lips quirked at her earnest expression. It was a flash of Beth’s, down to the furrowed brow and the little hand on hip that lost a lot of its impact considering she was still being held by Uncle Mer-mer.

But he got the message.

“Sorry, kid.”

“Yeah, Daddy,” Merle added, jumping in. “Don’t say _shit_.”

“Merle-”

“Mer-mer, don’t you say shit _too!_ ”

But now she was laughing, fingers dancing over Merle’s neck and chest, doing her best to tickle him. Playing along, his brother twitched and groused loudly, apologizing and begging for mercy. This only made her laugh harder of course, and finally, Daryl felt some of the tightness in his chest from earlier go away. He’d thank him for it if Merle weren’t such an utter pain in the ass most all of the time.

“Simmer down, _Daddy_ ,” Merle deadpanned, beginning to reap his revenge, tickling Auri’s sides as he spoke. “Was headed out to m’place an’ heard lil’ Miss Meatball here yappin’ up a’ storm.” He allowed her to breathe as they grinned together. “Thought I’d stop by on my way ta’ bed an’ get me some loves.”

“How’s that rundown piece a’-” He flicked his gaze to Auri and back to Merle, pulling a face at his brother’s knowing smirk. “Crud, treatin’ ya?”

“Got it fixed up just fine, don’t you worry.”

Daryl rolled his eyes and beckoned to Auri with a quick gesture. “RV was stripped bare when ya got it, Merle.”

“Yeah well, things is easy to straighten out once you get yerself one a’ these nifty job things, and ain’t flushin’ all yer earnin’s down your veins.” Daryl didn’t have much of a reply to that, not one that didn’t involve copious amounts of words that his daughter wouldn’t approve of anyhow. The always watchful eyes of his brother clocked the warm outfit in Daryl’s hands. “Y’all goin’ walkin’?”  

“Yeah, she was wantin’ to.”

Merle sat Auri down, heavy jaw jutting in a crooked smile when she immediately started wrestling off different pieces of clothing. It was still dark out, but that had never mattered to his kit for some reason. They’d grab their flashlights and head out, as long as it wasn’t too cold, and meander around the small game trails for an hour or more, depending on how much time he had. Daryl had started it before she could join him for the walking itself, would carry her around the cabin and then farther out into the woods, she’d taken some of her first steps out amongst the trees.

“Well I’ll leave y’all to it,” his brother said, smile receding a bit as he thought about something while watching Daryl help Auri into her clothes. “Lil’ Sister comin’ home t’day?”

His muscles froze part way through getting a knit sweater with a unicorn on the front onto Auri, who whined when she couldn’t find her way through the fabric. Keeping his eyes firmly on task, he nodded tightly, forcing a twitch to his mouth any time his kid looked up at him.

_Lil’ Sister._

Not that Merle would have listened if he had, but Daryl didn’t know why he’d never told his brother to stop calling her that. Maybe because, as he’d already known, it would have done him no good, Merle wasn’t one to listen most of the time. Or perhaps it was because it reminded him of the times where it’d felt like his life couldn’t get any more perfect. That kind of thing was hard to let go of. The other possibility, the one he tried to ignore, was that _maybe_ he was hoping that it meant Merle still saw their breakup as a momentary thing, one that’d work itself out given some time.

Which might make it true.

Might be a pipe dream, but crazier shit had worked out for him in the past.

They walked Merle to his RV, Auri hopping over the grass as it gradually got taller closer to Merle’s living area. Daryl made the internal note to mow as quickly as he could snag a minute, no point bringing it up to the older Dixon, Merle wasn’t real domestic unless it came to his niece.

Shocked the shit out of him, first time he’d seen big badass Merle make a PB&J sandwich and huddle down on a rainy afternoon to watch cartoons with the kit, sharing the food between them as the colors danced across the screen.

“You be good for yer daddy,” Merle instructed, pausing on the first step of the RV. “An’ remember...”

“To hold hands,” Auri recited, reaching up dutifully to clasp two of Daryl’s fingers with her small hand. “C’mon, Da.”

He nodded a goodbye to Merle and clicked his flashlight on, smiling at her when she did the same. Beth had gotten them each one for Christmas, even though they’d been split up at the time, a black one for him and a pink one for Auri. Kid was as crazy as her mama, had almost been more excited about the flashlight than she had her toys.

He’d gotten Beth a present too, of course, sent it along with Auri when he’d dropped her off with Hershel for the day, a necklace that split down the middle, Mama Bear on one side and baby bear on the other, little etchings on the metal to match.

Because last week hadn’t been the first time that she’d been worried about the security of her role in Auri’s life. Daryl wasn’t quite sure what else he could do, or what he had done ever, to make her think he’d try and take Auri away from her. But then, the shit between them had gotten so complicated, and there were such high stakes.

It took him a terribly long time to notice how quiet his kid was being. Kit could usually scare off game in a good five-mile radius while they were walking. Something that might have bothered him before, except he’d taken to hunting at particular times, times when she had a sitter, and he could clean the kill out in the utility shed which was a reasonably safe distance away from the house. Come to think of it, that was another goddamn thing he needed to get taken care of, the shed was spilling over with holiday decorations. Couldn’t just throw the shit out, they’d all bought it together that first year, fuck sakes, he’d gotten a lot of it on his own in an attempt to make Kit happier after everything had gone to hell.

Looking down at his kid, Daryl squeezed her warm fingers, glad for the millionth time she’d inherited his furnace-like body heat. Auri craned her head back to meet his eyes, flashlight darting through the trees as she lost focus on the path. He offered her a small smile, she gave one back in response, but it barely held and then she was back to watching the ground move under her feet.

“M’sure Mama’s gonna be real happy ta’ see ya, Kit.” His attempt got zero response as they followed the winding path. “Bet we’ll have fun, playin’ in the big toy.”

“Yeah.”

_Whoo boy_ , never a good sign when she wasn’t excited for the giant playhouse at the fast food place. He had obviously been fucking missing it, how much she’d been putting things together lately. He and Beth had used about every excuse in the book, explaining why mama wasn’t home anymore to swing or play or bake or...Daryl had thought they had things under control for the most part, but that was nowhere near the mark.

He held in a breath and sold his soul.

Anything to get a smile.

“Might be,” he hedged slowly, trying to get her attention. “We could talk Mama into lettin’ us get a treat. If yer good, eat your breakfast an’ keep usin’ your potty. Mama might share one a’ them ice cream shakes with us from Jerry’s.”

He’d had her at the word treat.

“Yeah!” Back to full throttle thrilled, she hopped a little while yanking on his hand. “Mama’s eat ice cream with us?”

“Think I know ‘er weakness,” he said, lips twitching. “You tell her we’ll get a’ caramel marshmallow shake, she’ll let us for sure.”

They went over the words a couple of times - marshmallow she was already well acquainted with _and_ in love with - but the two together was a tongue twister. Auri giggled through the rest of their walk, laughing harder and harder each time she tangled the two words together. Daryl was unreservedly smiling just as widely as she was, out in the woods, where only his kit and the trees could see him.

Might not be too bad a day after all.

Long as he didn’t mess up anymore...   


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth arrives at the airport unsure of how the Dixon's will welcome her back - or if they will at all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. - Hey, guys. I'm so very rusty that it's insane. For instance, this is my second time writing this A.N. because my computer seems to be fighting me when it comes to posting...or working in general. Anyway, I forgot to talk about a few important things the last time because I was just so nervous about posting again.
> 
> First of all, this sequel can be thought of as an alternative to the implied happily ever after at the end of Fix. It does start out with them being split up and trying to figure out how to make that work with Auri. I know there was some confusion on that point and I apologize. I meant to address that at the end of the chapter but completely spaced. This story is going to incorporate a lot of flashback scenes especially at first in order to get everyone caught up on what happened and also because a linear telling would have taken longer and would have also had a lot of time jumps.
> 
> Secondly, I forgot to thank my amazing pal, socialshipwreck, for being my beta and for nudging me to start posting again. ALSO, because this nudging might have included some of the cutest sketches of the characters which literally helped me write a lot of the chapters that I have done. So big belated thanks for that!
> 
> Thirdly and I think lastly, I can't promise the same update schedule for this and FotW that I used to maintain. I'm still feeling burnt out from school but I'll do my best to not leave you guys hanging. 
> 
> I bet there's something else that I'm forgetting, but that A.N. is already super long so here we go.
> 
> Happy reading, guys!

**Chapter 2**

**Friday, March 29th**

Beth gazed out of the plane’s window, watching as the buildings of Atlanta came in and out of view, replaced now and then by lines of asphalt that radiated away from the city like the fractured lines of a broken windshield. The network of paths leading from the central hub, each one leading to a different place, a different experience. Some of them she'd taken, gone to a couple of the states they led to, or the different parts of Georgia that'd remained a mystery until she'd made a choice to go down them. Right now though, the only track of blacktop she wanted was the one that'd take her home.

They were too far up for her to make out exactly where the airport was at below them, but it felt like her heart was attempting to break free of her ribs to get there. This constant circling they'd been doing, waiting for their turn to land, was only amping up her anxiety to get her feet on the ground. Fingers drumming on the armrests or playing with her necklace, she felt the way that her constant pressing was chasing the blood from her lips. The longer her eyes focused on the slowly swirling structures, the more confident she became that the pilots had flown them to the wrong friggin' state, and at any moment the passengers would be informed of the foul-up. She'd have to endure an even longer wait, one that would stretch far past the level of unbearable that she was already dealing with now.

She’d already texted to let everyone know there’d been delays. It wasn’t that they were incredibly late, an hour or so, but she was impatient to be out of the plane. Thirteen hours was a long time to be traveling. A week without hugging her little bit of sunshine was intolerable. Worry, an unvanquished foe, was prancing along her intestines and down the back of her neck.

_ Daryl. _

He was waiting for her with Auri at the airport, somewhere below her even now, as she stayed stranded up in the air. If the landing continued to take forever, Aurora might get hungry and impatient. Daryl hated buying anything anywhere that was overpriced, and any of the food found in the airport was going to cost twice as much as it should. He’d get it of course, if it meant feeding Auri, but that’d put them both in lousy moods by the time she got there.

And she wanted with every piece of hope she’d ever had, for this small reunion to go well.

They hadn’t exactly discussed a plan for what they’d do  _ after  _ the picking her up at the airport part of the agreement had taken place. She'd hoped it didn't just involve driving her out to the farm and dropping her off. If she asked, Daryl would let Auri stay with her, she knew he would.

On her good days when it came to all of that, she knew down to her soul, that Daryl would  _ never  _ deny her right to see Auri. That he considered the point to be an established and irrevocable fact, that Auri was both of theirs, and that visitation was just a part of their situation now.

But that was only on her good days.

Her not so good days saw her panic-stricken that he'd decide he'd finally had enough. Would wake up and realize that legally he owed her exactly nothing, and tell her to leave him and  _ his  _ kid alone. Or worse, that Auri would no longer want the distracted, these days often short-tempered, lady as a mama anymore. No doubt Daryl wouldn't lack for options when it came to replacing her…

They’d move on without her and -

Beth gave her head a shake, closing her lids to the gradually approaching city. That kind of thinking was what got her in trouble. In high school, it'd been after the bad news from the doctor about her mom, and she'd been falling behind with her grades, and then what happened with Jimmy. It had swamped her, and she couldn't get out of her own head, had just wanted it to stop. And then again with Daryl and...and after Daryl. She hadn't gotten nearly as self-destructive maybe, but it'd still been plenty bad. Things had mutated and amplified in her head until she'd let them dictate her feelings, her actions, and the fallout had always been worse than if she'd only learned to take things a step at a time. 

She was so proficient at dealing with  _ other  _ people’s problems, wasn’t always the case with her own. Hadn’t learned her lesson as well as she thought she had. It’d snuck back up on her with the introduction of college.

But she was getting off on tangents again.

The plane needed to hurry up and land because she was dying to see Auri. She wanted to see her baby girl and hold her tight. It'd be a plus if neither of the Dixons were in grumpy moods when this happened. Because maybe then, if it weren't pushing things too far, Auri’s daddy would agree to them all spending the tiniest amount of extra time together. Beth wondered if he could stand being around her for the length of an entire meal. She’d have to ask and find out.

But if there was a moment’s hesitation from him - she told herself resolutely with an equally determined nod that probably made her look weird - if there was  _ any  _ uncertainty at all in his answer, then she'd just ask if it was ok for Auri to stay with her for the night. Of course, it always made him grumble  _ when  _ she asked, said she didn’t need his  _ goddamn  _ permission to spend time with  _ their  _ kid. But rarely did it ever stop  _ him  _ from asking  _ her  _ permission any time there was any new decision to be made concerning Auri.

_ Tangent. _

What mattered, was that she’d heard what he’d said, she wasn’t going to try and talk him out of his feelings. If it was still too hard for him or if it'd make him too uncomfortable then it was for the best that they kept their contact limited.

This step, him offering to be there with Auri to pick her up, that was more than she’d had in months.  

_ It was getting dark early these days, the holidays really would be coming sooner than she could prepare for. The car rolled down the small road, trees passing on either side like woebegone sentinels, as Beth made sure for the twentieth time that her radio was off. _

_ Pain and (what she was told was unnecessary) guilt flooded through her when she saw him. He looked his version of perfect, or her idea of it anyhow, as he stood in front of the house that’d been their home for too little a time. Hair crowding against his cheekbones with those damn eyes of his squinting in their regular set, his arms bare and crossed over his chest as he watched her come up the drive. Beth ached to see the hard set of his mouth, a slash that threatened to never curve up in her presence again. What was left of the sun threw all of his features into a punishing relief that rested heavy on her collarbones. _

_ She hadn’t known just what level of hell she’d wind up in, to know what it felt like to run hands and lips over each of the elements that the sun’s rays highlighted, and no longer be allowed contact with them. Couldn’t slide her fingers along the tickling edge of his sleeveless plaid, feel the warmth and slope of his shoulder. No longer was she welcomed to grip the waist of his jeans, maybe to pull him closer, maybe to undo the button, slide down the zipper. Memories were the closest she’d get, to gazing down at him as he blinked sleepy-eyed up at her, a knowing look there despite the drowsiness...as she slid a not so innocent hand down his chest, stomach, hip… _

_ Coming to a stop, she willed away the heat in her face. Those kinds of thoughts were hardly ones she should be having while dropping a sleeping Auri off. Not just because they were bound to do nothing other than frustrate her, but because things had been tense enough the last couple of weeks. Daryl catching on that she was looking at him in the way she so clearly was, would do nothing to improve her standing with him at the moment. _

_ Not that she’d done anything wrong...technically. _

_ But Lord have mercy, did it ever feel that way. _

_ Her smile was minuscule when she hopped out of the Santa Fe, but it was still better than his up-ticked chin of a response. There was something in his general demeanor that made red flags and warning bells go off in her head. It was no longer a surprise, his well-constructed wall that had been erected all shiny and new after they’d broken up, but his stance said he was readying for a fight that she didn’t know they were currently in. _

_ He’d said he wasn’t mad about what she’d done. _

_ She’d believed him because they’d still made it a point of not lying to one another, which she sort of regretted now, seeing him all closed off and prepared to withstand whatever was about to come. On her end, Beth felt like there was a tornado approaching and no one had thought to tell her that she was in its path. Had she known this, whatever this was about to be, that it was going to happen, she might have considered making an exception to the rule. Her telling the truth had apparently not helped the dismal state of their relationship, not one bit. _

_ "She fell asleep on the way here," she told him softly, somewhat pointlessly since it was within the first five minutes of Auri’s nap, which meant next to nothing would be able to wake her for at least the next half hour. “Thanks for lettin’ me take her for the weekend, feels like it’s been forever since I had a chance to just focus on nothing but her.” _

_ His eyes flashed, and Beth wanted to chew off her tongue. She stilled, standing a foot or two away, her sight unable to peel away from his even if it meant saving herself. In the past, had he looked at her the way he was now, had the atmosphere been charged until she swore she saw sparks, she'd have said he wanted to bend her over the nearest available piece of furniture. But with the way things were these days, her radar must be out of whack, no way in the world was Daryl Dixon wanting to do any such thing to her. _

_ As crushing as his gaze was, he snapped it off of her in an instant, darkened blues casting back into the car to land on his kit. She literally had to take a moment to swallow, get some moisture going in the cotton mill of her throat before she suffocated right there before him. Another precious moment was dedicated to screaming at her body to knock it the heck off, to stop preparing itself for the things only Daryl knew to do to it, and to start preparing for some kind of altercation instead. _

_ “S’fine,” he said, nodding towards Auri’s sleeping form. “Gotta talk to ya anyway.” _

_ Jesus, Mary, an’ Joseph. _

_ “Ok,” she replied brightly, smiling through the pain that had decided to preemptively assert itself along each one of her ribs. “What’s up?” _

_ “Can’ do this anymore.” _

_ She blinked at him, thinking, noticed the hard lines of his jaw and throat as things bunched and spun loose in her mind. Hadn't she lived through this heartbreak once already? Hadn't she thought before that that she'd known what heartbreak was? But that certainty existed in a time before her heart had been turned all two dimensional and brittle, snapped jaggedly down the middle like one of those old video game lives that warned when the character was close to dying. _

_ “Didn’t you get the memo?” Beth tried weakly. “Ya already broke up with me, Daryl. Did a real good job of it too, promise.” His sight was back on her, but now it felt like he was at least three states away, a blank expression meeting her sad attempt at humor. “No need for ya to be goin’ an’ doing it all over again.” _

_ His tensed throat did a jerking parody of a swallow, his chin jutting to one side as he shook his head. Despite the mile-long list she had about him, of all the things she’d learned, despite  _ knowing  _ without question he’d welcome touch right now like he would a snake bite - the need to reach out and make some kind of contact with him was palpable. She could feel it lick along her arms, burn in her fingertips, keep time to her pulse. Beth fisted her hands, demanding obedience from her body as he spoke. _

_ “Mean the way we got things set up for visits.” _

_ The recurring fear that'd plagued her since their breakup was quick to retake center stage. _

_ “You said-” _

_ “Ain’t takin’ Kit from ya, goddamnit.” Her teeth closed hard to keep the rest of the sentence in. He was still giving her that same detached look, but there was fire backing it now, and she didn't want that breaking the surface. Not when things were this bad already. "We'll work out somethin’ with yer folks, or Carol, whatever. Jus’ can’t keep fuckin’ seein’ ya all the time.” _

_ Many times when they'd talked about things in the past, she'd wished that he wouldn't shy away from her gaze. Now she knew, depending on the situation, that he'd been doing her a favor. His unflinching eye contact matched with his words, immediately caused tears to form. Beth let them fall but otherwise did her best to ignore their existence. After all, if Daryl could do it, so could she. _

_ “Thought it didn’t make ya hate me?” _

_ There was a quiet she'd only ever experienced out in the woods, out in the woods with him, made the scratching of their boots on the driveway's gravel sound like nails on a chalkboard. The house framed his broad shoulders, light fading and sending them into a colorless mesh, bizarre because of how drenched in hues everything had been moments ago. She was trying to imprint it all in her mind's eye, wondering as she did so, just how many times she'd done this with him. Took everything about him into her, the only place it was truly safe, from both of them. Snapshots like the ones she used to send to Merle, startling clear and often viewed by her any time she found herself missing him. _

_ Which still felt like all the time even though they were nearing a year of being split up. _

_ She’d thought when they’d started this arrangement of visitation, that it’d be like tearing open a festering sore over and over again. Seeing him like she was now, with him looking like her just-missed happily ever after, it’d make moving on an impossibility. Maybe that was part of why she’d done what she had, but now, the idea of not seeing him at all was far worse than the previous pain. Sure, first it had hurt, but now he was even taking  _ that  _ from her. _

_ His gaze slid weighted and barbed right down her gullet, ripped her throat out and continued without pause to crack apart her sternum and rend switchblade tears into her heart. It was a near thing, her arms staying in place at her sides, not pulling them up to hide the damage. He was proving something, either to her or to himself, by never pulling his sight from hers. And as the damage from those stormy blues bled her out inside, Beth wondered if she told him what it was doing to her, if he'd stop or merely continue to stare. _

_ Continue to gut her, while their daughter slept a foot away. _

_ “Told ya it didn’t, didn’t I?” _

_ Her wounds made her want to lash out, made a word almost break past her lips. _

Liar.

_ Beth barely managed to keep it in. Read him well enough, barrier or no, and felt it more than all her weeping cuts, just how much saying that word would put the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. Mainly, because regardless of how badly he was hurting her, asking for this further severing from the connection she’d at one time expected to last forever, Beth could still tell that he was in fact not lying. Events may have lent to his decision, but anger at her wasn't his driving force. _

_ Partially too, she knew how ardently they'd both maintained a high level of honesty before and after their breakup. Daryl would resent the accusation more than anything else that'd happened, lose a considerable degree of respect for her too. To have her spit out bile at him, when she’d asked him so long ago to not do that very thing to her. _

_ All that being said, helplessness wasn’t a feeling she’d handled well since high school. _

_ Opening her mouth to try and reason, or beg maybe, she closed it again when he shook his head in a quick shake. _

_ “Need ya t’ hear me, girl.” He was still so confusing, she doubted she would ever understand him fully. His words were ones that might sound patronizing or condescending to anyone who didn't know him, who couldn't see the narrowly concealed desperation behind the sentence. "Do ya?” _

_ Yes. _

_ Yes, she heard, didn’t understand, not like she wanted to. But just because she didn’t get it didn’t mean it wasn’t what was right for him. They were no longer at the point where he’d listen to her before he listened to himself. There’d been a time. She’d been able to talk the man into almost anything, had wielded the precious power that he’d given her over him with a kind of awe and caution that’d worked for both of them. _

_ But not anymore. _

_ Now he was all but begging her, harsh expression or not, to leave him be. She just wanted to fix it, what had split them in the first place, not widen the breach. Daryl’s jaw was clenching, she could see how it flexed and jutted under his tanned skin. There wasn’t anything she could do, other than continue to cry and barrage him with questions and pleas, but that wasn’t an option. _

_ Not really. _

_ Nodding, at last, Beth turned to open the back door, removing the car seat's straps with shaking hands. Scooping up the heated little body, she took a moment to hug Auri to her, tears sliding without stop when sleepy hands came to clasp at her, holding onto her neck. Arms around her daughter, Beth shuddered out a breath as a questioning noise murmured against her throat. _

_ “Mama loves you, baby girl.” She was grateful for the door that hid them momentarily from his view. “I’ll see you soon, ok?” _

_ “Hmmm, Mama,” Auri muttered, clearly still mostly asleep. _

_ Catching her breath and wiping at her cheeks, Beth backed up and froze. He always had been so damn quiet. Thinking to help, or some other intention that she couldn’t fault him for no matter how much she might presently want to, Daryl had come up within easy earshot distance. Easy stumbling-into distance too. Her back had collided solidly with his chest, painfully familiar hands came up to steady her, cradling her hips as she rocked unsteadily. _

_ Memories, all of them bittersweet these days, rushed to faithfully remind her of how much she’d lost. Times of them coming home just like this, Auri tuckered out and Daryl at her back. Reaching by her to grab the diaper bag, or to just stand there with her, his reassuring strength wrapped around her sides, pulling her back against him until he could encase them both in his hold. Times in bed, if the baby had had a nightmare, or early mornings that were made for cuddling, with him warm at her back and Auri toasty at her front, little head pillowed on her arm. _

_ The crying, full-tilt now, not just the silent streaming of tears, hit her sudden and deep. Beth couldn’t stop the way her back adhered itself to his chest, how her arms tightened a bit more on her sleeping child. Daryl’s hands seemed to convulse where they’d landed, holding her steady as the sadness wracked her body. But just as abruptly, he was letting her loose, wordlessly grabbing the myriad of things that accompanied Auri everywhere she went, before waiting just as wordlessly for Beth to hand the toddler over. _

_ For all the cliche of it, Beth swore that Auri had managed to sink a pudgy hand around her heart, that in handing her over to Daryl, Beth was helping to remove the damaged thing from its cage. _

_ He stood bouncing Auri slightly, a habit from the burping days, and where earlier his eyes wouldn’t give her respite, now he seemed incapable of landing them anywhere near her. _

_ “Have Annette git a’hold a’ me whenever ya got time an’ wanna see ‘er,” he said, and she almost hated him for this last scrap of compassion he was offering. “C’n drop ‘er off at the farm.” _

_ As long as you don’t come to the door to pick her up - was a clear unspoken stipulation. _

_ She nodded again, unable to do anything else, and watched as he turned and walked to the house. There was a good chunk of time spent in the driveway after that, getting herself under control enough to drive. _

_ He’d texted her mama to make sure she’d gotten back home alright… _

“Beth.”

Her eyes flew open at the sound of her sister’s voice, glancing down to where Maggie’s hand had moved to still her own incessantly drumming fingers. Blinking, she looked back up and then over, to where Tara and Denise were hastily turning back around in their seats as the seat belt light came on overhead. Beth patted at her waist, feeling the clasped metal well in place and already secured, felt the plane angle slightly as they finally began to descend.

Finally.

“You ok?” Maggie whispered, leaning closer as she squeezed Beth’s hand reassuringly.

She had to unwind the twist in her stomach before nodding, eyes going back to the window.

“Just impatient to get landed.”

“Well,” her sister said, and Beth didn’t have to see Maggie to know the irritated curl her mouth would no doubt be in. “ _ He _ can just calm his tits if he’s thinkin’ about gettin’ huffy, havin’ to wait.”

It was a ripping feeling, trying to figure out what her reaction should be. On the one hand, she loved her sister fervently for always single-mindedly sticking up for her. On the other, she really didn't like encouraging Maggie to hate Daryl, no matter how stickery the man could be.

“More worried about Auri than anything.”

“Man’s a goddamn idiot,” Maggie continued, not hearing or not finding Beth’s response adequate. “Breaks up with you, then decides that still ain’t enough. Has to have his  _ space _ after a frickin’ year of y’all making things work the best you could.” Derisive air quotes were used in her sister’s sentence; Beth didn't need to see them to know they were there. Her eyes stayed fixed on the slowly approaching ground. "He's lucky that he hasn't given you a hard time about seein’ Auri, or so help me-”

“Maggs, can we not, please?”

“You’re too nice,” Maggie said, tone unwavering. “Just like when all that happened with Jimmy. You took too much of the blame in that situation too.”

“Maggie.”

“With the man for nearly two years, raise his baby like your own, bastard can’t even bring himself to tell you he loves ya.” Beth was pretty sure there wasn’t a place on her that wasn’t blushing. Maggie wasn’t yelling by any means, her voice was low and adamant, but there was little chance that their friends in the row ahead of them couldn’t hear every word being said. “And don’t you let him make ya believe for  _ a second _ that he’s not sleepin’ with that-”

_ “Maggie.” _

She could feel the air on her bared teeth, fingers losing feeling as they gripped the armrests. Her sister looked shocked for a moment, taking several seconds apparently to put together where they were and who could hear them. The final apologetic set of Maggie's expression did almost nothing to calm her pulse, and Beth heaved in a breath to begin the process. The silence was a prickly thing between them as the younger Greene sister steadied her airflow and unclenched her fingers one at a time from their death grip.

The weight sat between them until Maggie laid her hand back on Beth’s, leaning in again to whisper.

“Bethy, I’m sorry, ok?”

“He didn’t have to.” Beth had no idea why, out of all the things she’d decided to respond to, that that was one of them, but her words continued nonetheless. “Say that to me, I knew he did anyway.”

“I know.” Maggie’s attempt to make amends was all well and good, but Beth had been freaked out about seeing him as it was, and she didn’t feel particularly charitable towards her sister’s effort. “I shouldn’t have ran my mouth.”

She heard an internal scoff, followed by a distinctly twanging -  _ No shit. _

“I get that ya can’t help yourself,” Beth said, with a half a smile, “older sis’ an’ all that.”

“Have I ever told you,” Denise said to Tara, volume intentionally carrying back to them. “How glad I am, that your sister lives on the other side of the state?”

The tension lifted with Maggie’s snort as Tara responded swiftly.

“Only as glad as I am that your brother’s up north.”

Any further conversation got displaced when the plane's wheels hit the tarmac.

She entered into some kind of strange time warp, shouldn't surprise her, time always seemed to act the weirdest in times of stress. It took forever to get off the plane, an eternity to make their way to the baggage claim, but then the suitcases were coming, and she was going to see both of the Dixon's soon. Beth didn't know if she was hoping for more time to calm down, or for the moment to be over with already so that she could quit feeling on the edge of hyperventilating.

“Go on.” Maggie’s sudden command earned her a surprised look.

Tara clapped Beth on the shoulder as Denise watched for their suitcases. “Go and see your little girl. We can grab your stuff, meet you by the doors.”

There was a millisecond where she came close to refusing, but fear was like sadness, insidious and apt to cripple her if given a chance. Clutching Maggie's hand in thanks and nodding the same to her other travel companions, Beth began to make her way towards the area of the airport that Daryl had told her he'd be waiting at. Her first steps uncertain, it wasn't long before she was almost running through the bustling crowds and rows of seats. Her heart flew in an elated kind of panic that would lift her up or lay her flat, and the blood pounded all the way down to her fingertips.

The thought went through her mind that they might not be there, that Daryl might have reconsidered his offer at the last second and she’d reach the meeting spot only to find them missing.

And then her eyes lit on one of the most gorgeous sights she’d ever seen.

“MAMA!”

And there they were, both of them flushed and bright-eyed, Auri up on Daryl’s shoulders for a better vantage point. Hair up in a cockeyed but perfectly respectable ponytail, the two-year-old was sporting a white and pale blue dress that sparkled when it hit the light, her white tights and matching shoes clasped firmly in Daryl’s large hands as she waved enthusiastically. Beth’s body actually let loose with a frame length ache like her very bones were cramping from not being in contact with her little girl. She’d loved the trip, was thankful for getting to go, but being so far away from Auri had dampened her enthusiasm considerably.

Arm raising to wave back, Beth felt her attention immediately pulled to Auri’s daddy, who was as locked onto her as his kid was.

He was trying to break her heart all over again, wearing that black button up she'd gotten for him during their first Christmas together. That, combined with probably the one pair of jeans he owned that didn't have holes or oil stains, and the two of them made one fine-lookin’ welcoming home party. Adrenaline soared through her veins, a headiness not dissimilar to when she’d had a few shots at one of the local pubs in Dublin. Flicking her eyes between Auri and Daryl’s faces, she was struck as always with how much the little girl looked like her daddy, and how much their expressions were mirroring one another in subtle ways.

The man might not be bouncing and doing his best to dislocate his shoulder with frantic gestures, but there was something like, hopeful expectation there, coupled with the world’s smallest lift to the corners of his mouth. Almost as if he was trying his best to hold back a smile. Focusing once more on Auri, Beth dodged around the last few people between them, lips stretching until her cheeks burned.

“Want Mama.” There was no way Beth could ever hear that word enough from that sweet voice, and the squeal of excitement that Auri made when Daryl swung her off his shoulders and handed her over, was mimicked right down to the pitch by Beth's own vocal cords. “Mama! We waited for you.”

“Oh thank you, baby,” she responded, hugging her daughter just as tightly as Auri was grasping onto her. “Mama’s so glad you did.”

“I put on my dress, an’ use m’potty like a’ big girl, an’ we wait. We waited forever. Right, Da? Is’ forever?” Beth wasn’t entirely sure that Daryl could hear the question, considering how Auri’s head was still facing over her shoulder. Glancing up at him, she stole a breath’s worth of time to give him the most grateful look that she could. “Da’s…” The toddler stopped, clearly trying to remember the right word in all of the excitement. “Say forever, we wait forever.”

Stomach sinking, Beth felt her smile fade a little and pulled her sight from his.

“Oh, yeah?”

“That it migh' take forever." Her lungs gulped in the air at the sound of his voice, cracked and rumbling, just like she'd heard it so many times. When their eyes met again, it was obvious that he'd known exactly where her mind had gone, and wasn't willing to risk it staying there. "Ya said you weren’t sure.” He finally got around to clearing his throat. “Told ‘er we had t’be patient.”

“We went walkin’!” Auri said, finally pulling away enough to look Beth in the face. “All  _ over _ !”

“All over? My goodness, are you tired?" She laughed at the frantically shaking head that she got in response. "Well, that's good. I missed you so much, it'd be awful if we had ta' take a nap now that I'm here after forever, huh?"

Auri nodded solemnly, little Energizer Bunny was about as easy to get down for a nap as she was to potty train. Feeling tears cloud her vision, Beth tried to hide them by peppering Auri’s face and neck with kisses, making the two-year-old giggle ecstatically. She wasn’t totally successful, felt the liquid seep out no matter how desperately she clenched her lids. Dashing at her cheeks and refusing to look at the man that had seen her unwanted tears too many times to count, Beth went back to cradling Auri against her chest and felt relief when little arms willingly closed just as securely around her neck.

Slight warmth on her face and she opened her eyes in time to see Daryl lean closer to them, closing the distance between his lips and Auri’s ear.

“Say, missed you, Mama.”

When she was younger, elementary school, Beth had tried to slide down one of the school's slides on her feet, like all the cool kids did. Except it had rained that day, and instead of sliding, her feet had shot out behind her, and she'd landed at the bottom of the incline directly onto her chest and stomach. In the seconds that followed, she'd been sure she was dying, because her body had refused to suck in air as she'd told it to. Each pulling gasp only trapping itself in her throat until her vision had dimmed, and pain radiated like a sunburn through the impact site.

Until eventually, eventually, she’d tried once more to get her lungs to accept the oxygen they needed to survive, and they’d grudgingly did as she’d bid them.

Hearing Daryl’s whispered instruction, it was the way they’d taught Auri how to talk. Getting her to repeat words and sentences that were murmured in her ear so that she could recite the message to the other parent. For Beth, it was like she’d taken that fateful step onto the slide, and just like before, ended up with the wind knocked out of her. Any chance she’d had of not crying openly got demolished as soon as Auri did what her daddy had asked her to.

“Missed you, Mama.”

“Lil’ sunrise, I missed you so  _ so  _ much.” At the watery sound of her reply, both Dixon’s pulled back to look at her, and Beth smiled through the pain in her chest. She really was getting good at that. “I was,” she began, hoping to distract them. “Was thinking, maybe we could all hang out a’ bit? Get some food or somethin’?”

Daryl didn’t answer, his attention seemingly engrossed in the slow journey of one of her tears.

Licking her lips nervously, she shook her head. “But if, if that doesn’t work, would it be alright if Auri spent the night with me?”

“No, Mama,” Auri said, sounding crushed as she wiped (verging on roughly) at Beth’s cheeks. To the point where, it was hard to know if she was answering the question, or just telling the tears to stop. “Da said treat.”

“Oh you’re,” she stumbled, trying to get some sort of confirmation out of a mute Daryl. “You two going to get a’ treat after ya drop me off?”

“Yeah!” Auri answered, bouncing excitedly again.

“Ok then, I guess—”

“Nah,” he blurted, blinking quickly and shaking his head, like waking up from wherever his head had just gone. “Said  _ we’d  _ go. All of us.” A finger tick-tocked between them, and she had to glance between the two of them several times, see their affirming nods before she allowed herself to smile once more. "Git somethin’ ta’ eat, get a’ treat. Right, Kit?”

“Oh!” More bouncing. “Mama! We go to Jerry’s! Get marsh-car-mellow shake!”

Her brows had time to furrow, and then Daryl was scoffing and shaking his head.

“C’mon, now ya ain’t even tryin’.” Auri’s answer was to cover her mouth with her hands and giggle quietly. Bright blues met hers as he explained, sounding oddly embarrassed. “We practiced all mornin’.”

She didn’t know how many more bittersweet feelings she could take, but watching him rub uncomfortably at the back of his neck while Auri continued making small  _ tee-hee _ noises, Beth knew she’d hang on as long as she could. Her gosh dang eyes kept leaking, causing Auri to rub once more at her face, her happy smile disappearing.

"It's ok, Mama," she said worriedly, patting Beth's face, little brows bunched in concern.

“Mama’s jus’ tired,” Daryl answered soothingly, one of his hands coming up to pat the anxious toddler on the back. A stabbing shot lanced through each of the bones from her fingers to shoulder, when that hand slid down to hesitantly rest on hers, curling around, holding her hand against Auri’s back. Where they could feel each of her small breaths together. “Had a’ long trip, remember? All the way across-”

“The ocean,” Auri supplied for him, bobbing her chin knowingly. “We get food, then Mama can take a’ nap.”

Beth and Daryl both smiled at the kid’s careful wording, that  _ Mama _ could take a nap. Rough fingers falling away from hers, made her realize, not for the first time, how long it’d been since she’d gotten one of his hugs. Wished she could try for one now, but there was a brittle edge to his countenance, to his movements, said he’d done all that he could.

When his eyes narrowed and scanned around her, she figured he’d gotten around to putting some things together.

“Where’s all yer stuff, an’ people?”

The next hour or more was filled with them finding the others, an awkward amount of small talk, and then Beth saying goodbyes to the others as she walked to Daryl’s car with him and Auri.

If she’d been nervous that their drive back from Atlanta was going to be as uncomfortable as Maggie and Daryl in the same space had been, their girl dispelled that concern immediately. Auri talked and asked questions the entire trip, nonstop alternating between Beth and Daryl, perhaps she intended to make sure that her usually reticent daddy didn't retreat into himself. Now that he was mostly occupied with driving and answering what inquiries were lobbed his way, Beth was able to sneak a peek or two at him. She got to see the way he maintained a crooked smile, one that was obscured now and then by his fidgeting fingers that ran down the whiskers next to and underneath his mouth.

For a minute, just a minute, she let herself believe that things hadn’t happened like they had.

That this was an everyday occurrence and she’d get to have it again and again.

Pulling into Jerry’s parking lot, getting the munchkin unsnapped from her seat, they headed in, each of them holding one of Auri’s hands. Every couple of steps they'd countdown and then swing the screeching two-year-old off her feet. Laughing, Beth glanced over at Daryl, who blinked quickly away from her and back down to his kit. But she'd seen...sadness, some variant of remorse maybe, a split second before his hair fell forward and hid his face. There wasn't any time given to linger on the expression though, because Auri was grinning up at them and they had little choice but to grin just as widely down at her.

“I like you dress, Mama.” Auri chirped, her shoes making slight slapping noises on the fast food place's floor. "Is' boo-tiful, like a’ princess.”

“A princess? Gracious,  _ thank you _ , baby, don't know if anyone's ever said I looked like a princess before." In fact, Maggie had said she'd been out of her mind for wearing a dress with all the traveling they'd done today, but she'd wanted to look nice. Daryl made a coughing noise, but Beth couldn't tell if it was due to what she'd said or because they were getting closer to the counter. "You're lookin’ like a princess too in that pretty dress, that one Nana Netty gotcha?”

Auri nodded primly, looking quite pleased with the compliment.

“An’ watch, I spin.” And she did just that, releasing her hold on them and twirling around, sending the light coming from the overhead fixtures to strike off the glittery bits of her dress, turning herself into a little giggling disco ball. “See, Mama?”

"I do," Beth laughed, scooping her upright when she was about to topple over. "You spin so fast."

The cashier at the register smiled as they finally wound up at the place they needed to be at. Daryl gave Beth a chin dip, telling her to go on and order. She’d just opened her mouth when a large figure made its way out from behind the shiny metal wall that separated the restaurant from the kitchen and back offices. Beth smiled brightly as Jerry, the owner, stopped short when he saw them.

"Beth!" The happy greeting paused a beat when he saw who she was there with, but recovered quickly enough. “And the Dixons too! Wow, hello, Miss Auri. How are you?”

A glance down at Auri showed Beth a shyly smiling face, cheeks pinking slightly as she tucked her head under Beth’s chin. The change was always a somewhat shocking one, how speedily all that talking and manic movement could come to a complete halt. Used to the toddler’s bashful nature, Jerry smiled and held up a finger before disappearing to the back. Beth and Daryl ordered, her ex shaking his head benignly when Jerry came back out with a large milkshake in hand.

“G’on an’ make that medium shake a’ large,” he directed, but the cashier landed a waiting look at Jerry who smirked and shook his head.

“No way, dude, it’s on the house.” Approaching Beth and Auri, he raised his brows questioningly at the little girl. “Can I get a ‘hi, Jerry’ if I give you this great big ice creamy goodness?”

A small nod knocked into her neck and Beth pressed her lips together to keep from laughing.

When it was immediately handed over, she had to help balance the heavy cup, jostling her quiet passenger until the tiniest - “Hi, Jerry” - could be heard. Beth rolled her eyes, such an adorable little dork they had.

“Whad’a ya say?” Daryl prompted out of reflex.

To which a whispered - “Thank you” - was added.

“You’re  _ most  _ welcome,” Jerry whispered back, eyes crinkling with his smile.

They went and sat in the area that housed the sizeable in-door toy, much of which Auri was still far too small to play on. The bits that were her size though, she climbed on with painfully careful moves, born of parents that were slightly overprotective and had cautioned her towards safety all of her life. Beth and Daryl spent the time until their food came, helping her up small sets of cushioned steps, bumping into one another repeatedly when trying to get out of Auri or the other little kids’ way.

Each brush of his arm or hand elicited a new wave of goosebumps, and each of Auri’s thrilled peels of laughter made something warm and solid settle in against her heart. She’d missed this, them together, not just Daryl and the moments they’d had alone, or Auri and their occasional sleepovers, that was there too of course but...Beth missed getting to see them as a unit, of seeing Daryl open up with his kid like he did with no one else. And in Auri, she saw the epitome of absolute joy. Every time her parents cheered for her, she became surer of her steps, more determined to do the small slide on her own.

And it was wonderful, watching her as she never fell, appearing prouder with each successful trip. Beth wanted this back, desperately, utterly, but it took zero amount of wondering to know how badly any wheedling on that front would go with Daryl. He'd said he couldn't keep seeing her all the time, it'd been a few months since then, and here he was without any apparent issues. She wasn't going to be able to boss her way into what she wanted or try to take control of the situation.

No matter how much her mind was telling her to.

A little boy darted past her, dark-haired and mischievous eyed, and Beth staggered back out of his way, trying her best not to send the fast-moving tyke sprawling over one of her feet.

She wobbled, and a callused pair of hands gripped her arms, making sure she didn’t topple over onto any of the kids playing around them. Without thinking she leaned into him, getting her legs righted underneath her, tipping her head back to thank him. He was so much closer than she’d expected, could feel his long exhale trickle along her jawline, fingertips digging into the soft flesh of her biceps as they both stalled out in sync. Beth’s tongue fused to the roof of her mouth when her gaze flicked down to his mouth without her authorization, stayed there too, even as she screamed at it to go back up.

His deep breath made her blink and finally yank her sight back to his. Another endless moment passed, but like a shared internal alarm, they turned in unison to see where their kid was.

Auri stood near the top of the miniaturized set of steps, studying them fixedly; her small face all devout solemnity, it changed rapidly once her parents were looking at her. An innocent grin curled up her lips, blooming into a full-blown smile, that Beth tried to return.

“Mama! Da! Watch, watch me.”

“Ok, baby. We see you, go on you can do it.” Beth straightened as she spoke, feeling every dragging stroke of Daryl’s fingers as they skidded across her back, the other hand skimming down to her elbow before both retreated from her body. “We’re here, we see you.”

She strove with everything in her, not to read too much into it, the way he stayed near her even once she was stable again. It didn’t mean anything, that he didn’t move away, that he allowed their arms to brush again and again. Or that when their food came, on the way to their table, he had one hand around Auri’s, and the other resting against the small of her back.

It didn’t mean anything.

But it sure did take some more of the bitter away from the sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Early morning thoughts and conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. - Hey guys, thanks so much for the continued support and for doing your best to withhold judgment for the time being. ^.^ I know things seem crazy right now, but that's half the fun. I don't think I have anything major to report. I'm taking time to reread both of my stories in the hopes it'll get me back in the groove. I'm hoping to write a worthwhile chapter 40 on FotW for you guys. 
> 
> Happy reading!

**Chapter 3**

 

**Sunday, April 7th**

Daryl stretched with a rumbling noise that felt good all the way down to his toes. Body pulling taut and slackening with a sigh as he rolled over onto Beth’s side of the bed. The stray thought had his lids pressing shut, hard, until colors flared and his eyeballs felt near to bursting. Beth’s side of the bed. Beth’s.  _ Beth. _ Like with a lot of things, she’d been right about the bed being a good investment. His old mattress had certainly served them well - and often- but he’d literally gotten it for nothing and it’d come with a set of stains he hadn’t asked or wanted to know about. 

The new bed though? Fuckin’ heavanly to sleep on. Almost dangerous, made it hard to get out of, and while he and Beth had been together, there were many days where they hadn’t. Sometimes with Auri between them, her giggling and hiding under the covers, sometimes just the two of them...Hours filled with slow kisses and nuzzling against one another as the day ticked by outside. 

Only thing he didn’t like about it these days? Damn thing felt too big, much too big, without her in it with him. Mattress spanned out behind his naked back, made him feel all exposed and shit. But she’d refused to take it, along with a lot of the other stuff he’d attempted to browbeat her into taking.

By browbeat, he meant he’d repeated himself again and again until she’d made fedup huffing noises and given in. The only thing he’d really gotten into it with her about was the TV that he’d gotten her for Christmas. Girl had all but cussed him out. It’d taken him threatening to throw the damn thing in the trash, or down the driveway after her departing car, that’d finally made her mutter darkly while allowing him to stow it in the back of the Santa Fe. 

He ground his face into the pillow that no longer smelled like her, and hadn’t, for too long a time. Still had the scent of her favorite laundry detergent and dryer sheets though, some spring fresh whatever that smelled like a breed of mutated flowers. But she’d liked it, and tempered with the earthy sage aroma that always marked her presence, he hadn’t really minded it all that much. Kept buying it after she was gone because, well, he obviously couldn’t handle letting her go  _ completely _ .

His fingers twitched in between the pillow and the bed. He shouldn’t do the thing he was thinking about doing. Wasn’t anything healthy that was for damn sure, made him a shade more pathetic each time he did... 

_ Ah hell,  can’t hurt nothin’. _

Sheets rubbed warmly on either side of his torso as he moved back across the mattress, arm reaching down to his phone’s position on the floor. He wasn’t sure when he’d stopped wearing a shirt to sleep in, when it had stopped mattering so much to him, to be covered up all the time. 

Shifting onto his back, Daryl had a brief flash of a memory, one involving a morning after with Beth, he’d been too worn out from their previous night’s activities to do anything other than tug his sweatpants back into place at the time. Also, too tired to react much when the monitor went off with Auri’s plaintive cries, the bed had moved minutely as Beth had gone to get her. 

He’d come back to sudden consciousness at Auri’s gasp and whisper.  _ Owies _ . Shrinking in on himself at the fear in her voice, he’d cringed at the idea of having to explain how the marks had happened. But he couldn’t. Couldn’t tell his kit that there were daddies that did that to their babies. 

“Yeah, Daddy has owies,” his woman had said lightly. “And what do we do to owies?”

“Loves?”

And that’d been the first time _.  _ Two pairs of lips left a variety of kisses on his skin, some a bit more slobbery than others. Auri not willing to quit until she’d pushed his shoulder, made him get on his stomach so she could follow each line. He’d had to shove his face in his pillow, didn’t let the rivulets escaping his eyes change his breathing, fisted his hands and gritted his teeth. Felt his muscles relax the longer it took for the two of them to finish. How the attention changed from being in reverence to playful. The two of them racing to reach each scar, Auri had ended up covering him with her tiny body, blatantly cheating by blocking Beth, kissing at random and laughing herself to tears. 

It was a vivid little recall, all impressions and phantom sparks against his skin.

Unlocking the device, he went to the app that was buried within a couple different submenus in his phone. Treated the goddamn thing like it was a porno he was trying to keep hidden. Shit, he honestly wasn’t able to decide which one would embarrass him more. Getting to the little red and white icon, the stylized P jumping out at him, Daryl huffed and tapped his thumb against the screen. It was the dumbest dirty little secret he could ever imagine anyone in the history of all fuckin’ creation to have, but the thrill still flitted about his lower abdominal region and he hunkered back into his pillow feeling somehow perverse but excited. 

As most shit, it had started harmlessly enough, Beth had wanted to show him different models of porch swings. Then it had been different yard decorations and lanterns. Cute homemade clothes for kids. Recipes for meals she wanted to try. Pictures of bucks and bows, other hunting things he tended to find interesting. Somehow she’d gotten him signed up for it, downloaded the app on his phone, showed him how to use the stupid thing. 

So if she had an issue with him using it to peep on her life, her interests, she really had no one to blame but herself. With the way things had gone down between them, he was sure to lose an actual argument with her over it. Which is why he kept it very much to himself, his favorite pastime, wasn’t hurting anyone, might not be fair to her, but stopping wasn’t something he could do. Wasn’t like he knew how to traverse the realms of social media, figure out how to get some of the things she was on, all those books and grams and things. This is what he had, fair or not, right or not, he needed it.

He went to her profile, or at least that’s what she’d told him it was called, and looked to see which of her boards had been updated recently. Girl was on the damn thing all the time, he figured it was an outlet for some of the stress she encountered during the school year, a way to decompress in between classes, at night before she fell asleep, in the morning when she wasn’t ready to get out of bed. Made him feel closer to her. Like maybe she knew all along that he was shadowing her, wondering at her choices for the things she’d saved. Torturing himself with not being able to ask her about them. 

When he was really hating himself, really wanted to feel the pain slice, he imagined she was completely aware of his seedy habit, and saved images that she knew would hurt him most. 

But that was just when he was utterly disgusted with himself - so once or twice a week was all..

She had a few different categories. One for do it yourself shit, crafts for around the house that sort of thing, food was another one which included those recipes she’d stopped sending his way. She spent a lot of time on certain subjects over others. Like her section that had a lot of movie and show things in it. Pictures of scenes from her favorites, like  _ The Mummy _ and  _ Stranger Things _ . 

She found the craziest things to save to her Art Board. 

There were sculptures from places he’d never seen or heard of, figures that had nearly the same pigmentation she did, clasping at each other in ways that made him ache. He wanted to know if she’d actually gotten to see them somewhere, if she’d noticed how the sculptor had made their stone skin give way under each other’s grasping fingers. 

There were drawings that exploded with color and depicted everything and nothing from picture to picture. People, animals, or buildings, that basically leapt off the screen at him, or shapes, that wound around one another until he was nauseous trying to figure out where they ended and started. He thought she saved them due to their hues more than their subject matter.

But he couldn’t know for sure, and sure as hell wasn’t going to out himself by asking.

Her newest board was one filled with the strangest words he’d ever seen. Didn’t know if she’d started it in order to keep track of the terms she was encountering during classes. Some of them weren’t even English though, or were, but came from way back and weren’t really used anymore. A lot of the time they seemed random, something she’d seen and liked, kept it because she probably thought it sounded funny or interesting. 

But then, it felt like now and again, they spoke to him, about how she was feeling. They punished him no matter the level of cheerfulness in their meanings, because either happy or not, he wasn’t there to share or help her with it. More than likely, if it was something painful, he felt it likely that he’d been a contributing factor if not the direct cause. Knew that he deserved the impotent frustration that came with knowing and not knowing her motivations.   

Daryl had actually started a list in some beat up notebook she’d left behind, had a page for those words he thought had nothing to do with him, and one that did. Not surprisingly, the second one was filled with a lot of entries that made him want to shy away from the paper. Just another reason not to tell anyone, made it look like he thought a lot of himself, that he’d affected her in the way the definitions said he had. 

Stupid thing, to make a list, but he couldn’t risk saving them to his own profile-thing. Have to explain himself, worse, cause her to somehow make it so he couldn’t see them anymore. He hadn’t viewed or saved any other pictures since they’d broken up, even though she’d taught him how. Didn’t want her to know he was still using it, just in case...just in case.

She’d been at it again since the last time he’d checked, which had been yesterday morning.

The new saves included:

_ Spheksophobia - The fear of wasps _

_ Balter - To dance gracelessly, without particular art or skill, but perhaps with some enjoyment. _

_ Exiguous - (adj) [ig-zig-yoo-uhs] - Scanty; meager; small; slender. _

Appeared to be a random collection this morning. That was ok. He liked those ones maybe the best. Where he could examine the ones she’d picked and know they had nothing to do with him. No idea what had prompted her to squirrel these specific words away onto her board. Might be, she’d had a scare with one of the little flying fuckers out at the farm or on campus, or maybe the app had - what the fuck was it called - recommended or populated some new words for her since she’d shown interest. Beth had said...said it’d do that.

Working his lip between pinching teeth, Daryl fought back the wave of melancholy that came close to miring him in a desolate kind of loneliness. This was a classic symptom of withdrawal, he knew it, had been through it already.  _ Had been _ able to reach a steady but manageable state of misery over the last year or so. Getting clean off her was a bitch, he’d lived blissfully strung out for so long. That hadn’t been real life, it’d been real what they had, but good stuff was quick to burn someone out. Leave them haggard and confused. He was still damn lucky, still had Aurora, couldn’t be a selfish ass and expect the world to give him more.

Most days he didn’t know whose fault it was that they weren’t together. Usually, it was obvious that it’d been him. Other times he thought maybe she’d had a small something to do with it, and then he’d come back to the way the universe had always proven itself to work from his perspective - willing to screw anyone and everyone over without cause or the slightest provocation. 

He spent a few minutes concentrating on the words, sounding them out silently, letting his tongue flick against the backs of his teeth, lips carefully forming the vowels. He’d made sure to stick to the regular sleep times for Auri, so he knew he had a few more peaceful moments left before she was up and wanting breakfast or a walk. Turning, he fished in between the mattress and boxsprings, his thumb grazing the last box of rubbers he’d bought back what felt like a lifetime ago now. Grunting and shoving the package farther over, he found what he was searching for. 

The notebook flexed under his grasp as it was pulled clear. 

Hadn’t wanted to write any of the new ones down at first, but, then the one about dancing had made him remember that first Father’s Day, when she’d helped him clean. Ponytail flying every which way, each hop and bob of her body sending flashes of pale skin at him where her overalls were ripped around the knees, where her shirt ended too soon to not startle him. 

He finished balter’s definition, pen point resting on the page. She’d been wearing those damn overalls when she’d met up with him to look at this place to rent. He’d found it so distracting he’d had to check his phone three times for the code that the property management had sent him to unlock the box that held the house key. 

_ His face burned like hell as he read the text message for the third goddamn time in a row. The wind at his back threw hair in his face, had a chill that said the season was thinking about changing, and he cursed under his breath when he had to hold flapping bits of his too-long locks out of the way. Thankfully, his girl was too busy talking a mile a minute to register any kind of hold up. _

_ “—such a great place I know it’s kinda out in the middle of nowhere but I didn’t think you’d mind that at all considerin’ where the cabin is. Michonne said she almost bought the place to rent out herself, but that the grounds would be a lot of upkeep and people would probably want to put a fence up to keep the animals away. This management company said they weren’t goin’ ta’ do that, so we might have to look into what other things we can do. Don’t wanna have to worry, what with Auri and all. I just noticed how it doesn’t take long to get from here to the highway which will work great for my commute time. I’m so excited about classes! And I know it’s a lot of credits to begin with, but they really say it’s about time allocation and prioritizing and I doubt I’ll have much of a problem with that, I mean they’re only prereqs, prerequisite cla— Oh my gracious! Daryl! Look at this place!” _

_ He actually chuckled as he moved aside so she could bolt into the empty space of the living room. The sound wasn’t much other than a few loud breaths, but he was still getting used to making them, been doing it more and more often lately. In all fuckin’ honesty he should be paying attention to the amount of windows, a lot of upkeep there and he’d need to ask what kind they were and what sort of insulation the place had. Should be double checking the square footage and what sort of agreement he’d be signing up for when it came to that gravel drive. Who the hell was going to keep that thing up to snuff once the bad weather hit?  _

_ But Beth was twirling over the dark hardwood floors like she was wearing one of her Sunday dresses and not the ratty old pair of overalls. Sweet curves of her face getting lit up by all those windows, cheeks flushed, bunny nose turned up slightly, teeth showing between cherry blossom lips. He tracked her progression through the space, eyeing how the bright rays flared her milky coloring, made the heat that’d been restricted to his face, migrate to the other usual places. Cowboy boot covered feet carried her on tiptoes in swirling moves over to the kitchen, lithe body bending to glide a fingertip down the wood countertop that was almost the exact same dark shade as the floor. Taking a hopping little leap over to do the same to the kitchen island, swinging along its perimeter to head down one of the hallways. _

_ Older home, ranch style, it’d been remodeled before the owner had either got sick of living in the middle of nowhere or decided the house wasn’t remote enough, no one seemed certain. Definitely nicer than his shitty cabin had been on first inspection, spendier too, two jobs and renting out his old place would more than cover the monthly dues on this one, but it was quite a change in living costs. Couldn’t stay at the cabin any longer though, Merle was still there, still acting right, they needed the room what with Auri steadily getting more mobile. He went around, touching what she had, more making a show of considering things than actually doing it. _

_ Thing was, he didn’t really give a shit where they lived, long as it was safe for Auri. Would hate living in the smack dab middle of town, but hadn’t been too worried about that being a possibility considering Beth was about as partial to that particular idea as he was. Animals, he knew what things to do to keep away any animals, plus, depending on what they were, he’d be more than willing to welcome them on over for a visit. Might cut down on the grocery bill.  _

_ No, he wanted to get whatever place  _ she  _ wanted, whatever place made her the most excited, the most happy. Woman did so much for him and his; she deserved to live in whatever place felt most like home to her. So if it was this place, he’d get it, work out the bills and upkeep questions later. Just wanted to keep that smile of hers in place, keep her dancing around like she was on a stage somewhere. It was easy to prowl around behind her, going through the different rooms and bathrooms. Everything looking fine enough to him as he wondered how opposed she’d be to testing out the stability of some of the walls. _

_ Wood floors, not a lot of cushion there.  _

_ Might need to buy them some rugs, put one in front of that fireplace that was in the living room, get to watch the flames dance over her uncovered skin. Yeah, he liked that little fantasy just fine. Liked the way she grinned at the size of the closet in the master bedroom too, how she played with the faux wood blinds, and swept her hands over the wide countertop in the master bath. Everything she saw seemed to please her, and Daryl felt himself settling into the space in preparation for her verdict. _

_ They were back in the main living area when it came. _

_ “Hmmm, I don’t know.” His head snapped back in reaction, brows clipping together with the same amount of force. “It’s a lot of money.” _

_ “Ain’t bad,” he said with a shrug, turning his face to look at her. Those two little lines were grooved into place between her brows, bastards always made him fidgety. Didn’t always mean something bad, but he’d seen them too many times when it was to make him feel anything other than anxious. “Porch is nice.” _

_ Kind of a random detail, but it was true. The thing wrapped around the whole house, white washed and nearly idyllic looking, besides the busted up porch swing on the left front corner, it was close to perfect. _

_ “Think you could fix it?” she asked, leaning a hip against the counter. “The swing?” He pulled his mouth to one side, acting like he had to consider it. “An what about these cupboards? Look how light they are, when Auri really gets to movin’ there’s gonna be sticky little handprints all over ‘em.” _

_ Repositioning himself in front of her, moving her so that her back was to the structure she’d been leaning on, Daryl hooked his hands into the dip between the front and back of her overalls. Beth wiggled some fingers through the spaces that his buttons left, blues gazing up at him as he pressed their hip bones together.  _

_ “Swing ain’t gonna be no problem, find one ya like an’ I can hang it. L’help clean up anythin’ the kit makes a’ mess of, we c’n do it on Fridays since ya worked out yer school schedule.” _

_ She thought about it for a blink or two, lips pursing into something resembling a pout. “That’s our date day though.” _

_ He shrugged, already planning to do it by himself. “We’ll figure somethin’ out.” His fingers raised up to her sides and dug into her slightly, liking the way she pushed teasingly against him in response. “Ya like it though?” _

_ “I do, but are you sure-” _

_ He muttered in fake irritation and moved his hands to cup her ass before hoisting her up onto the island’s counter. Beth let out a startled  _ eeking  _ sound that made him smile maybe a little cockily at her as he kneaded her thighs, felt the muscle bunch and flex. Good height, the counter was, for the things he had in mind for it right now, a little high perhaps for some things, but even better than the one back at the cabin for others… _

_ Her smile was a playful one that she attempted to hide as her legs wrapped firmly around him, hands at the nape of his neck, he gazed at her half-lidded, his hands continuing their focus on the muscles in her legs. Pulling her into him with each repeated stroke that stopped at her kneecaps and began again at the bottom of her ass. She was doing her level best to exude genuine worry, arms tightening so that she was even more flush against him, her heat spilling into his abdomen through their clothes.  _

_ “I don’t,” she murmured, stopping to shoot him a warning look when he quit his gripping in order to unsnap the straps of her overalls. The corners of her mouth twitched up when he ticked his chin at her in question. Closing the last small span of distance between them, Beth finished her sentence against his mouth. “I don’t wanna get eaten by a bear.” _

_ He couldn’t stop the snort that happened, or the laugh after that when she started and jerked away from the sudden gush of air. Slipping his hands below her shirt, running slow tracks down her spine with his fingertips, Daryl gave her a crooked smile. _

_ “S’way too late for that.”  _

_ She stared at him in confusion, the game having gone in a different direction than the one she’d had in mind, and Daryl cocked his head while scraping blunt nails down until they fisted into the fabric keeping him from his goal. It clicked, he saw it did, when her eyes widened and flew to the windows that almost completely surrounded them. It apparently hadn’t occurred to her, how far he’d planned to go with the first bit of clothing he’d undone. Maybe thought they’d just been fooling around some, with no one around to hinder them. _

_ Well, she was partially right. _

_ “ _ Daryl _ ,” she chastised, sentiment getting lost somewhere around the time her legs unwound from his waist, which helped him slide the material out from under her and away. “We can’t, anyone could -” _

_ “Missed these overalls, girl. Lookin’ so damn country in ‘em, can’t help it.” _

_ Beth let out a noise that was incredibly unladylike, had him grinning against her thigh, his breath disturbing the cotton that still hugged her hips. Muffled slapping sounds indicated her hands colliding with the counter in an attempt to keep her up, even as she canted herself up towards him.  _

_ “Lookin’ country does it for ya, huh?” _

_ She was probably aiming for sarcastic, but he’d chosen that moment to drop a kiss on her fluttering stomach. Sounded like air caught hard in her lungs and one of those hands came back up to cup the back of his head, holding him in place, encouraging him to ring her belly button with similar attentions until she was breathing somewhat erratically. _

_ “Think m’gonna like livin’ here,” he told her, snagging her panties and yanking them around her cheeks, down her thighs, stalling out when she only whimpered in answer. _

_ At some point she’d shut her eyes, he waited until they blinked heavily open, pupil wide and searching when he didn’t keep going. She shifted restlessly, showing him shades of pale skin and pink.  _

_ Finally, she put together what he’d said, nodding quickly and edging nearer to the counter’s edge. “Yeah.” _

_ He searched her expression, tried to make sure there was enough reason left there to count. _

_ “Ya want it then?” Beth cocked an eyebrow at him, and he licked his lips in response. “The house, I mean. Already know ya want the other.” _

_ She smiled, slammed the thing right into his chest, ponytail swinging to the side of her face when she ducked her head almost bashfully. The last handful of cloth fell off her pointed toes as his lips pressed to her knee for a second, and then he was being towed forward by his shirt collar. _

_ “I want ‘em both,” she whispered, grinning at the roughened sound he made a beat before she was kissing him. Slow, tongue stroking his in no kind of hurry, bold as brass all of a sudden with him between her legs. He pulled back, was somewhere near the crook of her neck when she breathed conspiratorially. “It’s the island isn’t it? Know ya got a thing for ‘em. Tell the truth, that’s why you like the house.” _

_ He completely lost track of what he was doing, laughing hard into her neck, feeling as her arms held him tight.  _

_ Yeah he was going to like living here just fine. _

His phone went off in his hand, making him flinch and curse when it flipped free of his hold and landed in the blankets. Sunlight was more of an actual presence in his room, glimmering off the glass of empty picture frames. The prints that belonged in them were shoved under some socks in a drawer somewhere, might be time he tried putting them back in place. Now wasn’t the best time to decide on that shit though. He snatched the phone out of the tangle of blankets, freezing when he turned it over to see the caller ID. 

Beth.

He scrambled, answering it before she got sent to voicemail, sitting up and hissing over the inconveniently timed hard-on that was less to do with the morning and more to do with the assaulting memories he’d just been interrupted from reliving. Silence met his rasped greeting, and he tried again, after swallowing some of the whatever-the-fuck that was clogging his throat. 

“Hey, Beth?” Another swallow, and he thought he sounded normal. Normal enough. “Ya there?”

“Am I,” she stalled out, sounding odd, in the realm of embarrassed and perhaps disgruntled in a way that didn’t make sense yet. “Are you...busy?”

He actually glanced around his room in a perplexed quest to find whatever he could possibly be  _ busy  _ with at this time of the morning. Finding nothing, he came back to the swollen issue between his legs and flopped back down onto the mattress with a sigh. Throwing a wad of blanket over his middle, Daryl scrubbed a hand across his face, trying to wind himself back down.

“Nah,” he murmured, imagining a little too clearly what she might be wearing this Sunday morning. She’d catch the church service with her parents before heading up north to Atlanta and school. Which probably meant a dress, maybe the one she’d worn on her trip back into the states. Auri had said she looked like a princess, he hadn’t thought the title high enough. “Kit ain’t up yet. Wha’s goin’ on?” 

His words slurred together, sounding a bit on the drunken side, as he stretched and yawned the last dredges of sleep away. Dick rubbing pleasantly enough against his underwear and sweats, Daryl reached a hand down to run over his length, ignored how good it felt, for the most part. Couldn’t be getting too involved there, his ex on the phone, wouldn’t be right…

“Well,” she hedged, voice clipped even on the single syllable. “I was just gonna ask about Mother’s Day, but I can call back after- or, uh, whenever you got time.”

“Got time,” he answered, grunting when his hard-on gave a distracting throb. Hell, it’d been a while since he’d even  _ thought  _ about getting off. Damn body flipped a switch when it came to this girl, didn’t give him much of a choice in the matter. “What were you thinkin’?”

She didn’t speak, the line a barely living thing as he waited.

Rotating uncomfortably, he gave into the urge and sunk a hand underneath his waistband, palming himself lightly while he worked on figuring out what he’d done to get himself in trouble with her. Wasn’t worth thinking about, just how much that trouble would increase if she could see what he was doing now. He’d be lucky if she ever wanted to do  _ this  _ sort of activity with him again. But that was a beaten to death topic, he’d rather disassemble this new one, whatever it was.

And keep on as he was, simmering lowly and listening to her in whatever way he could. 

“I wondered,” she said, and he could hear it, a questioning in her tone that wasn’t only pertaining to Mother’s Day plans. “If, um, if it was alright if I could have Auri for that weekend. Finals’ll be over by then, an’ I’m really wantin’ to get back some time. Ya know?”

He hummed, fingers spanning to glide up his cock until they grazed the head. 

Fuck, he was really falling off the deep end here.

“Course ya can,” he told her, throat tightening as he gave himself a few sure strokes. “Was thinkin’ maybe, maybe we, do somethin’ all together. Like when ya got back from yer trip.”

Tongue sliding over his bottom lip, he squeezed hard, huffing out a breath before pulling his hand clear. A disquieting wave rolled throughout his body, different receptors questing and demanding for the pleasure to continue. Daryl shoved his free arm underneath his head, grinning a little mirthlessly at the burning in his gut and the not-enough-pressure of the clothes and blankets over his dick.

He really was a masochistic asshole.

_ Masochist - a person who derives sexual gratification from their own pain or humiliation, _ _   
_ _ (in general use) a person who enjoys an activity that appears to be painful or tedious. _

That’d been one of the first ones he’d written down on the page that was tied to him. 

It also could be that he was being a tad fuckin’ dramatic as well. But the term felt like it applied well enough for the situation. Lids closed, muscles tight, he felt it pull all down his frame and flare somewhere near his diaphragm. Missed her like crazy, pure and piercing like a needle through his skin, wanted to wrap himself around her, inside her, lose all the other for a while or forever, get back to what they’d had.

“Daryl,  _ what in the hell _ are you doin’?”

Slitted view of his room, he felt the necessity to check and make sure she hadn’t come in without him knowing, though there wasn’t shit to see anymore, not with his strategic blanket placement. 

“Nothin’,” he defended himself quickly, clearing his throat. “Just layin’ here, why?”

“Well, who’s all there?” 

_ Christ, better be fuckin’ nobody. _

Opening his eyes wider he looked around the space, needlessly reassuring himself that no one was in there without him knowing it. Lifting his head, he listened intently, but there was still no peep from his kit. Whole house was quiet, no doubt his dumbass brother was passed out in his RV, and he wasn’t expecting anyone else to be around for another month or more. 

“Ain’t nobody here, woman,” he groused, his mildly panicked heart rate subsiding. “Good lord, had me thinkin’ someone was bustin’ into the house or somethin’.”  

“Oh, I thought I heard y—” she paused, sounding unsure. Daryl almost seized up at her cutoff response.  _ Heard? _ What a slack-jawed fuckin’ moron he was. Thought he’d been goddamn discreet, but that might not have been the case. Air got held up in his chest as he waited for her to keep going. “Ya know what? Nevermind, I’m losin’ my mind is all, nothin’ new with that though, right?”

He smiled, relieved, turned so he was laying on her side of the bed again, breathed in deep. “Hell no. Always been crazy, Greene.”

_ S’what I liked most about ya...eventually. _

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” 

What an embarrassing moment they’d just about had, he was out of his mind for pushing that as far as he had. Didn’t know whether to blame it on the memories or the addiction. It also could’ve been his dumbass decision to see her again after months of nothing. Her sweeping through the airport, that dress brushing right above the knee, he’d told Auri to yell as loud as she wanted to. Wanted her to holler for the both of them, be his voice when he was trying so hard just to keep it together. 

But doing the shit he just had, with Beth on the phone, he didn’t have the tiniest clue as to what in the hell he’d been thinking. 

_ Wasn’t thinkin’, more than likely. _

“Anyway,” she continued, tone much lighter than it had been. “Would that be alright? That weekend?”

“How many times I gotta tell you that ya don’ gotta ask?” There was too much blood going below the nonexistent belt, that was the only explanation for the grumbling playfulness in his voice. “Who the hell else she gonna be seein’ on Mother’s Day?”

“Hey,” she chided, and he could hear the smile in her voice. “I’m just bein’ polite, mister. Don’t you growl at me.”

_ Say it. _

_           Say it. _

_ Call me Bear. _

But all he heard was a slight clicking, like a dry throat trying to swallow, or a pen in a fidgeting hand. There he went again, not thinking, and so soon after the last bout of it too. Of course she wouldn’t call him by that damn pet name she’d had for him, wouldn’t think that he wanted her to. And he shouldn’t. Decisions had been made and all that, things hadn’t worked out like they’d wanted. All the reasons he’d been over hundreds if not thousands of times. He hadn’t been strong enough then, sure as hell wasn’t strong enough now. 

The conversation they were having, the ideas going haywire in his head, all that was proof.

He probably shouldn’t have gone back on the commitment he’d made not to see or talk to her.

Well…

It was already too late to go back now.

“Yeah, she’s yours for the weekend, or the week, whatever ya want.” He should leave it there, but yet again, his mouth started going before his brain could weigh out the pros and cons of his most recent impulse. “Thought maybe though, we could, could do somethin’ all of us together again. Like Jerry’s?”

He actually heard her sudden breath. “Really?”

“Mean, uh,” he said, eyes staring at the blank wall where her dresser used to be. “We did promise Kit.” 

Their kid had screamed bloody torture when it’d come time for Daddy to drop her and Mama off at the farm. At first they’d thought she’d wanted to stay with Daryl, but Auri had made it clear she hadn’t wanted  _ anybody  _ to leave. And just like he’d known it would, her ability to bargain and plead had chainsawed his stupid heart to pieces. Made him feel like the biggest hunk of shit in the world as he’d driven down that road away from them. Only their promise of doing more  _ Mama and Da Adventures _ had calmed her down enough to get out of the car. 

“That’s true we did,” she said after a beat, and he barely kept in a contented sigh. “We should, you might wanna think about it anyway, us doin’ other stuff besides that too. If ya want.”

_ Bad idea. _

“Wanna take ‘er to the park or somethin’? Before finals hit an’ yer slammed?”

_ Well, alrigh’ you dumb shit, don’t you fuckin’ bitch when it comes back t’bite ‘cha in the ass. _

“I’d love that, yeah.”

_ Love that. _

“Well alrigh’ then.” He nodded, even though she couldn’t see it. Fingers twitching with the urge to slide down his body once more. “Whenever ya got the time, let me know.”

Fisting his hand, he left it idle next to his midsection. 

“Sounds good, Daryl.”

Felt like her lips were right next to his ear, easy to catch the happiness and hope in each of her words. He was spiraling pretty spectacularly, but that didn’t necessarily mean he was headed for a crash. Seemed likely, but he was alright with the dizziness it gave him for now.

“L’talk to ya later, Beth.”

“Ok,” she murmured, and he hoped he’d made her smile. “Bye.”

He laid on the bed and focused on his breathing, winding his body back down to its regular state.

Stretched again and heard the pen roll off the notebook onto the bed.

Being a masochist wasn’t so bad.

He could make it work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Any feedback is welcome and I appreciate you guys taking the time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprises, both good and not so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like it. I'm still kind of blocked when it comes to writing anything it feels like. I'm going to try starting over on the 40th chapter of FotW and see if that helps. Wish me luck.
> 
> Happy reading.

**Chapter 4**

 

**Wednesday, April 10th**

 

She closed the textbook in her hands and sighed. The cover slipped under her fingertips until it almost fell on the grassy ground below her. Studying, love of the good Lord, was she sick to death of it. The barely there volume of her music lulled her slightly as she looked up and away from her Child Psychology homework to the throng of students making their way across the quad. It was kind of silly of her to try and work out here, with the sun warming her into a stupor and the prime people-watching position she’d claimed with this particular stretch of lawn.

Beth took another deep breath, letting the cherry blossom scents of the nearby trees fill her up and chase some of her drowsiness away. It’d be good when the semester was over, all this time cramming and stressing over each assignment would payoff. It had in the past. She just had to get herself there, another month or so and then it’d be summer break. And this year, unlike the last, she wouldn’t have to take more courses to “catch up” as she’d done before. An actual rest was in her sights. She’d get to slow down for a bit, spend some quality time with her baby girl. 

All good things.

It was amazing, how subtly she’d become acclimated to the rigors of school and all that it entailed. For a while, she’d been positive that it would be far too much for her to handle. 

Her mind cringed and came to a halt.

Didn’t need to get pulled into all of that right now, not if she hoped to get something accomplished during her time between classes. Technically, she was doing rather well for this point in the semester, wasn’t falling behind in her workload, but if she wanted to keep it that way then she needed to be about halfway through her psych homework by the time Intro to Sociology started. Holding her notebook, textbook, and pencil steady on her lap, Beth took a quick moment to roll her neck. Striving to make more of the lethargy go away, she shook her head slightly, definitely not a great idea, to study outside.

Friggin’ sun was sucking all her willpower out, replacing it with wayward thoughts about naps or playing with her phone. Two things that would, in no way, help to keep her on track. Of course, she reasoned, arching her back and tapping her sneaker-covered feet together, taking a tiny respite might help her to buckle down when she got back to it. Anyway, wasn’t like she wouldn’t have time to finish things up tonight if she didn’t get everything done now since she’d be going back to her dorm room. Going back to the dorm room and  _ not  _ spending half the evening on the phone with her man, telling him how much she missed him, missed their baby.

No, she had plenty of time to get things done nowadays.

Laying out on the grass, she pulled her phone out and started to mindlessly go through different apps, letting her head rest even if she wasn’t getting a nap. Felt pretty darn nice, relaxing like she was with the tickling blades of grass. She turned her music up some more while she allowed herself to space out. Tried to not focus on any  _ one  _ thing that occurred to her. Like how it’d been going to school and having a new family. Going to school and not having them. Of nights going out with classmates and roommates in an attempt to lessen some of the loneliness that’d plagued her. 

Having fun that she’d felt guilty about.

Not having fun and feeling guilty about that too.

Of hating Daryl Dixon so much it made her scream.

Not hating him at all, and sobbing until it made her throat feel just as sore.

_ Daryl. _

Definitely shouldn’t think about anything concerning him. Like how he’d sounded the last time she’d talked to him. Nope, nothing good there. Beth could have sworn that...that he’d been having sex, or something near enough to it not to matter. Wasn’t her business if he was, had to tell herself that. Had to while she was on the phone with him, and while she lay in the warm grass now. 

She easily defended the sickening lurch in her stomach, wasn’t jealousy, it was that she didn’t like the idea of some woman who she didn’t know around her child. And also, maybe, she just couldn’t believe he would answer the phone  _ ever  _ while doing something like that, especially not when it was  _ her  _ calling.

Daryl wasn’t vindictive…

But still. 

She knew that hiss, the way it cut off. How craggy and wonderful his voice got while something or someone was clenching around him. The stutter and pause in his words when he fought to focus through the pleasure. His guttural noises too, she’d loved making him let loose with those, of sighing a few of her own into his ear. Because she knew what it did. 

She knew him. 

He’d sounded so confused though when she’d asked who was there. Snatched away a lot of the indignant surety she’d been in possession of. That didn’t mean that he hadn’t been doing  _ anything  _ at all, but it was sure a heck of a lot better than what she’d initially thought was happening.

And of course.

It could be that she was just thinking way too much about him. Wanting him and not having him. Whole body feeling worn out and sickly from not getting what and who it needed. Made her imagination spazz out, form monsters where there were none. Had to keep going as she had been, not crowding him, bossing him around, trying to control the situation. It’d produced some positive results, he was back to being able to see her, wanted them to do more things with Auri. 

And no matter who he might be sleeping with, if that was a thing, Beth knew that when it all got tallied up at the end, it was getting to see her daughter that really mattered to her. 

More than  _ anything _ . 

She was considering her next move, idly fishing her chapstick from her pocket for an equally meandering application, trying to decide on either going to finish her work in the library or heading to one of the other nearby buildings that housed a food source of some kind. Sitting up, she had just reached for her backpack when the tune in her headphones switched dramatically from an indie track to a country one, a specialized ringtone, making her flinch and tap rapidly at her phone to answer the call.

“Hello?” Why was he calling her? Had something happened? “Is Auri ok?”

A mild puffing scoff answered her question.

“Ya mean ‘sides drivin’ me crazy?” There was chattering too far away for her to hear, but it was definitely an excited Auri. “She’s fine, ‘less she keeps pushin’ her luck. Might have to whoop some lil’ ass before the day’s out.”

Beth let a derisive laugh seep out of her lungs in relief. “You’re so full of it.”

They both knew that he’d never spank Auri, it wouldn’t matter how bad of a tantrum she threw or how awful she was. Daryl’s father had made him a firm believer in talking and time outs if it came down to correcting some of his daughter’s behavior. The man didn’t put much stock in words, but she’d watched him evolve enough to communicate with his kid. The two tended to be on the same wavelength, even when he swore up and down that the little girl ran circles around him.

“She knows it too,” he muttered, sounding resigned. “Ain’t fair, m’gettin’ taken advantage of over here.”

Cheeks bunching up under her eyes, she abandoned her attempts of packing up her things and sat cross-legged in the grass. Pathetic maybe, that she felt like he was doing her a favor right now, calling her, lightening her mood. Giving her a quick peek at him and Auri’s day for some unknown reason. It felt so natural, hard to stop, to fall into joking conversation with him. To feel that blurring between what had happened and what should be. She glanced down at her phone’s lit screen, swallowing at the picture of the three of them smiling back at her. 

There were a lot of them in her phone, more recent ones, but she’d never switched his contact picture to anything other than the three of them together that first Christmas morning together. The one she’d used to teach Auri to say “Da” with. 

“What’re y’all up to?” she asked, blinking away from the now watery image. 

He made a noncommittal noise, somewhere between a cough and a hum. “Runnin’ around, tryin’ ta’ get some shit done for Glenn, so he doesn’t blow a goddamn gasket.” There was an angry chittering noise, followed by Daryl’s beleaguered sigh. “M’sorry, Kit.”

“ _ Daddy _ ,” Beth chided, barely holding in a laugh, knowing without hesitation what their little girl had just scolded him for. “Don’t say,  _ goddamn _ .”

“Sorry, Mama,” he apologized, obviously out of reflex, and Beth wondered if he felt strange saying it to her. She knew they both referred to the other with those terms when talking to Auri, but they’d avoided saying such endearments to one another of course, since the breakup. “So,” Daryl hedged, sounding uncomfortable. She didn’t know if it was from their exchange or what he was about to say. “What about you? Where ‘re you at?”

“Oh,” she sighed, plucking tufts of grass out of the ground. “You know me, all classes all the time.”

“On campus then?”

She nodded, squinting up at the few groups and single individuals walking along the sidewalks now that most everyone had gone to their next class. “Yeah, yeah, on campus.”

“S’quiet,” he commented. “Ya must be in the library or somethin’?”

“Uh,” she faltered, brows furrowing. Was Daryl Dixon attempting small talk right now? Maybe something  _ was  _ going on, just not the something she’d thought when he first called. “No, I’m actually on the quad. It’s real nice actually, trees are bloomin’ an’ there’s this fountain and everything.”

“Mhmmm.” He was clearly either distracted or not listening to her, however, rarely if ever had she known Daryl not to pay attention in a conversation. People might think he was ignoring them sometimes, but she’d learned he missed very little. “That be in the middle? The quad?” And then under his breath so low, she could barely hear him and there was no way that Auri could. “The fuck  _ is  _ a quad?” 

“It’s,” she tried, stumbling again while trying to figure out where the heck this conversation had come from. “It’s short for quadrangle, which doesn’t really...I mean, yeah it’s in the middle-ish, but I don’t-”

“Mama!” 

Her neck snapped towards the sound out of pure reflex. Eyes scanning until they landed on two familiar figures making their way to her. Daryl, phone to his ear, face torn between pleased and uncertain. His hand kept a firm grip on the one that was minuscule in comparison, Auri waved with her free hand, jumping and skipping with a smile fit to split her face. 

“Oh my God,” she breathed, blaspheming guiltlessly. 

Yanking out her headphones, Beth left all of her stuff where it was. On her feet and running, she quickly scooped up Auri who cheered excitedly and held her tight. They made matching squeeing noises as Beth hopped up and down. Sun-soaked and thoughtless, she reached an arm out to encircle Daryl’s waist, pulling herself into him as she and Auri continued their noisy celebration. It wasn’t until she felt a hesitant hand on her back that it dawned on her exactly what she’d done.

Unthinkingly forced contact with him. 

At their last meeting, it’d been far more unintentional, she’d been doing her best not to fall over. And now, she hadn’t planned it, was just so warm and happy at this undreamed of surprise that it’d felt like a knee-jerk reaction, to include him in her and Auri’s hug. But she didn’t want him deciding that she was taking advantage, perhaps that wasn’t the right term, that she was thinking they were on better terms than they actually were. The thing was, now their girl had a hand fisted in his shirt, all but welding the three of them together, and she didn’t know how to disengage them without making it incredibly awkward.

“Surprise!” Beth almost jumped at Auri’s volume, kicking out a startled laugh instead. “Daddy an’ me, we come to your backpack school. See? I got m’backpack an’ we adventure!”

Getting a better look at her daughter now that some of the excitement had simmered down, and doing her absolute best to ignore the slow firestorm starting in her body from being in contact with Daryl, she noticed the redness in Auri’s eyes. Puffy lips and an equally flushed face spoke of a recent and serious crying jag that must have lasted a good long while to still be so noticeable. For most two-year-olds that might not be much of a thing, and Lord knew their girl was without a doubt no exception to the terrible twos, but she rarely cried. She’d been that way since she was a baby, and Beth knew how badly it affected Daryl when his kit broke down in tears. 

Glancing at him, she was struck by their closeness, the cherry tones of his own complexion that heightened near his paler ears. With this too was the scent of him, smoke and pine, hint of a sharpness that could be metal or oil. Along with all of Auri’s familiar smells, baby shampoo, and lotion, the detergent and dryer sheets.  _ Home _ . She got a mild impression of his face scrunching, the twitching of his whiskers, a flash of blue as he stole a sideways glance at her and then skittered away.

“It’s a great surprise, honey.” She wasn’t sure how to best handle the vindication that showed in her daughter’s eyes. Something had obviously gone down between them, and Daryl had caved to Auri’s wishes. This time it happened to work out really well for her, getting to see them, getting to touch them, but she didn’t want the malleable toddler to think that it was a tactic to be exploited. “You better say ‘thank you, Daddy’ ya know how hard he works, baby girl. It’s not fair to make him go on adventures all the time, even if they are fun. Alright?”

Mildly crestfallen, Auri nodded and murmured a quiet  _ thank you _ to her daddy. Then, reaching up, she pressed a quick kiss to his scruffy jaw. Beth was just congratulating herself on a job well done when her kid looked at her squarely, little features going completely earnest.

“You give Da loves too, Mama.”

Her mouth was opening and closing like a fish, words trapped way down below her diaphragm as the larger frame against hers stiffened. She’d managed to find herself in a lose/lose situation. He’d either think she didn’t want to, which wasn’t the case or maybe that she was thoughtlessly making things harder for him, overstepping boundaries. Boundaries he’d always taken very seriously, and saw as in place for a reason.

“Baby-”

“Mama.” She was now the one being chastised, and it wasn’t nearly as funny. “ _ Loves _ .”

Giving her a tentative smile, Beth gathered what short term courage she could, and went up on tiptoes to place her own appreciative kiss onto the heated skin of his cheek. It was meant to be fast, an obligatory peck to appease their daughter, but it lingered a breath. Before she went back to being flat on her feet, Beth could have sworn she felt the barest amount of returned pressure, as if he’d leaned into it just a tad. Blinking rapidly, she sucked in a steadying breath, making a  _ tsking  _ sound when she saw the slight sheen she’d left behind.  

_ Stupid freakin’ chapstick. _

Her apology, and attempt to wipe it clean, was hampered by his sudden retreat. Daryl’s arm dropped from curving around her back and his booted feet shuffled away. Auri’s grasp on his shirt was pulled free and Beth watched as he shrugged. A blocky hand came up to rub a thumb over the spot. 

_ Ok then. _

If she kept watching him, kept focusing so entirely on every move and look, there was little chance of her being able to enjoy this unexpected gift of seeing Auri in the middle of her week. It was with difficulty, that she turned her attention from the man who was resolutely ducking her gaze, back to the  _ almost  _ three-year-old in her arms.

Just a couple more months, Beth could barely believe how quickly the time had gone. 

“So you’re finally here!” she said, Auri thankfully, was able to switch gears just as quickly and smiled until each of her teeth were showing. “Mama’s been meaning to bring you here for  _ forever _ , and here you are, good job, Daddy.”

“Yeah,” the little girl agreed enthusiastically. “Good job, Daddy.”

There was another shrug, and she wasn’t expecting a vocal answer when he muttered thickly. 

“Jus’ didn’t want ta’ see her sad anymore.”

Beth’s next swallow was a rough one, prickling all the way down as she started walking back to where she’d left her things. “Well like I said, we can’t always have everythin’ we want, even if it makes us sad.” She hadn’t meant for the statement to strike so close to home. “Next time you’re sad and wantin’ to see me, you ask if you can call me on the phone or somethin’.”

Auri dipped a chin in answer, and now both Dixons were refusing to meet her eye. 

“Daddy can’t always drop everything he’s doin’.”

“Was in the city,” he said quietly, mildly defensive, either on his behalf or Auri’s. “Messed up, mentioned we were close to yer school.”

Trying to shake off the heaviness that she didn’t want, Beth set Auri on her feet and smiled.

“I’m thrilled to see you two no matter what.” Was that bad? Admitting she liked seeing them both? “I was thinkin’ about getting me some food. How’s that sound, get us a’ bite and I’ll show you guys around?”

She directed the questions to Auri, but her gaze flicked up to Daryl’s searchingly. It was almost as if he couldn’t keep his sight off her  _ or  _ on her, it slid to and away, over and over again. 

He was nervous.

She’d take that over irritated or resentful.

Auri in the meantime had no such issues as she helped Beth get her books into her bag.

“I wanna eat p’nut butter an’ jelly with you, Mama!” Each of her small movements was jittery with barely contained amounts of energy. “You an’ me an’ Daddy an’ an’ Okamo!”

“Okamo?” Beth questioned through her laughter. “You brought Okamo  _ too _ ?”

“I did!” Auri spun to show off her own backpack, a gift from Uncle Shawn, it was in the shape of a chestnut horse with a white diamond and stockings above each hoof. Over the plushie body and blonde mane, Beth could see the black hand-knitted countenance of Okamo, Auri’s favorite stuffed animal that currently looked as if it was perched on the horse’s back. The cat had been a first birthday present from Amy, the woman exhibiting her awesome skills as she had with Auri’s first Halloween costume. “He wanted to come too!”

“Had ta’ bring the whole da-darn farm,” Daryl complained lightly, smiling one-sidedly down at Auri who was basically running in place, sending the animals on her back jostling in all directions. “Big adventure, comin’ to the city, couldn’t leave no one behind.”

“Can’t have an adventure without Okamo,” Beth agreed knowingly.

She’d named the rakish-looking cat after Rick O’Connell from  _ The Mummy _ movies because Auri would need someone capable and brave to watch her back. Once the kit had started talking more, however, O’Connell had been lovingly mangled into Ohe-kah-moe. Though looking at him now,  _ rakish  _ might be a bit of a leap. 

The thing had been constructed with many sessions of cuddling and dragging in mind. Despite that, its long tail had still needed to be repaired on two separate occasions; until Papaw Hershel had sat Auri down and explained how sensitive kitty’s tails were, and how Okamo probably didn’t like being towed around by his.

Since then he’d suffered choke holds or being crammed into her backpack’s too small confines. 

The backpack, having come from Uncle Shawn was, of course,  referred to as Shawnee. 

It was quite the collection of animals.

Newly determined to savor their time together, Beth hoisted up her own backpack and offered a hand to Auri, who took it and dragged her over to Daryl in order to cling to one of his. After that they cut through some of the different buildings. Beth pointed to where she had classes now or in a prior semester, as she led them to where there was a market type store that might  _ actually  _ have something resembling a PB&J in it. 

Her anxiety spiked now and again when she took in Auri’s wide-eyed expression or Daryl’s thinly veiled ravenous one. For some reason, she’d expected him to...hold back, view everything through slightly narrowed eyes maybe, and stay silent, leaving any conversation up to her and Auri. 

Instead, he did all but the opposite of that. Came to a full stop at the rooms she indicated, asked lowly about the class she’d had there if she’d liked it. If a lecture was happening, was the professor giving it one that she’d had.  

It felt like he was drinking in everything around them. No object or person escaped his gaze, taking in the measure of what he saw and weighing it internally for some reason that she wasn’t willing to ask about. The atmosphere rendered their daughter mute. Blinking at each of the strange things around her, Auri huddled shyly between her parents whenever someone new walked by them. Nevertheless, that didn’t prevent her from yanking them along once they’d entered the little store, different fast food chains huddled into one corner of it, with a few people in line for each.

They were able to find the little one a PB&J, Beth randomly grabbed one for herself as well, along with an assortment of fruit that had been fresh several days ago. Daryl opted to grab a personal pizza from one of the fast food places. 

“Thought you’d be sick ta’ death of pizza by now,” she prodded him if only verbally, trying to fight back a playful grin when he shot her a warning look. It was an old joke, but a safe one, the fact that he never seemed to get sick of that particular food even though he had it at least once a week given where he worked most of the time these days. “What? I’m not judgin’ you or anything.”

“Mhmmm,” he harrumphed, lips twitching as he snagged the small box that was handed to him, and then began steering them towards the registers.

“Definitely not gonna marvel for the  _ millionth  _ time that ya don’t seem to gain a friggin’ ounce, and that your metabolism would make a model weep ta’ have.”

“Good,” he deadpanned back, pulling out his wallet as she helped Auri get her sandwich up onto the counter to be scanned. “S’good to know I ain’t gonna have to hear that... _ crap _ again.”

They made their way through the building and back outside, finding a free table that was positioned nicely under the shady cover of a tree.

“An’ ‘sides that,” he continued, hair swinging into his face when he bent to pick Auri up and put her on one of the benches. “Need all the fuel an’ sh-stuff I c’n get, alrigh’? Only thing your kid wants t’do is go walkin’.”

Beth’s mouth curled happily, the whole walking thing tickled her probably more than it should.

It was just that their girl got so much joy out of it.

That they both did.

“So how’s Glenn handling the new locations?” she asked, opening Auri’s sandwich. Listening to her babble about how it didn’t look  _ anything  _ like the ones Nana Netty made for her. 

Beth chuckled quietly when the man across from her settled onto the bench and flipped the lid to the box open, snorting derisively and taking a bite that probably burnt his mouth. He didn’t add anything to it, so she figured it was best to take that as answer enough. 

Glenn’s family had opened not one but  _ two  _ new Georgia locations and expected him to oversee the operations of all three stores in the state. Luckily for Daryl (unless you asked Daryl, according to Glenn), it had inspired the overworked businessman to make him a full-time manager for their local pizzeria. Made it so he didn’t actually have to work two jobs, but out of sheer stubbornness, he still did. He only made it to the superstore once or twice a week these days though.

“What else you two got planned for today?” she asked instead, to change the subject, her chewing slowing slightly when he glanced up at her. Something fleeting there, too quick to decipher and then he focused on his food again. The bite of overly tart grapes she took, lolled around her tongue as she considered him. “What?”

“How long ‘til your next class?” Evasion. Daryl was never one to lie. But when pressed? He could evade slicker than a swamp eel and twice as fast. “We holdin’ you up?”

She didn’t even make a show of checking the time.

“Daryl Dixon.”

He watched her just as closely as she did him, tongue darting out to catch some wayward sauce from the side of his mouth. She refused to pay it any attention, that, or the dappling of reddish grease along his fingers that he was probably moments from clearing with the same distracting tool.

“Gotta clean da’ house,” Auri supplied promptly, probably given the list of things they’d be doing today while on their drive into Atlanta. A healthy gob of peanut butter impeded her ability to speak clearly. “Au’nd Jethie s’comin’.” Beth’s eyes felt glued to Daryl. To how his own gaze tripped between them on the other side of the table. How he snatched up a napkin that was being held down by her mostly brown banana, and wiped his hands clean. Auri swallowed and continued, speaking more rapidly without the sticky barrier. “S’comin’ ta’ stay with me an’ Daddy an’ we gonna go see Flower Mommy and go campin’ with me an’ Daddy an Aun’ Jessie an’ me.”

“Gotta git to the store,” he corrected lowly. “Buy the cleanin’ stuff, she ain’t comin’ for a’while yet.”

“Oh.” Beth scrambled for something to say, Daryl, staring right back at her as she did. “I um,” she directed her answer to Auri, it was easier that way, “that sounds fun, baby.” 

Auri nodded, taking another bite.

Daryl shrugged, dropping his gaze before doing the same.

_ “Remember,” Rick said, head tipped a bit, the sun flashing on the metallic pieces of his uniform and hat. “You don’t have to do this, man.” _

_ Daryl shook his head silently, drawing in another drag from his third cigarette in a row. _

_ She didn’t say anything, just rubbed a reassuring hand down his back, one he didn’t shrug off or bark about. And that was one way she knew just how freaked out he was right now. Not that she’d need something like that to tell, the situation was enough alone. No, she offered the contact as a token to remind him that he wouldn’t be going through anything alone that he didn’t want to. _

_ Who would have ever guessed that after more than a year Auri’s other family would find them? _

_ Even if that family was only one person, a sister, who’d tracked her sibling’s cold path all the way down south from where it’d started, clear up near Virginia. Got the terrible news, that she wasn’t going to see that sibling ever again. And perhaps the crazier news, that her sister had had a child with a man she hadn’t known but for the time it had taken for them to make that child. All of this over the space of months, through Rick of course, as Daryl hadn’t wanted anything to do with talking to the woman directly. Giving his friend the go-ahead to air all his dirty laundry, long as it meant he didn’t have to voice it himself. _

_ But then Jessie, the sister, had wanted to meet him. Him and Auri. She wanted a  _ relationship  _ with her niece. Created a tie between the one-year-old and her biological mother that was severely lacking. A fact that Daryl had been tormented over since the beginning. How was he supposed to say no? And when he’d looked at her, Beth hadn’t been able to tell him any different. She had a sister, would never want someone to keep her from Maggie’s child. _

_ So they were waiting at their town’s little park. The presiding cop over the whole ordeal openly ignored the breaking of the no smoking in public parks law and helped Beth keep Daryl as calm as they could. They hadn’t brought Auri of course, she was tucked away safe at the Greene Farm until her daddy could decide if Jessie was someone he wanted in his daughter’s life. _

_ “Ain’t lettin’ ‘er take Auri nowhere.” Daryl’s voice had rarely sounded so harsh to her, but Beth nodded and slid her hand up to his shoulders, feeling the long breath that eased out of him, this one without an accompanying cloud of smoke. “Now or later.” _

_ “No one’s expecting you to,” Rick answered, and Beth could tell he was doing his best to not use his lawman’s voice as he went on. “She could try maybe, go to the court to get some supervised visitation, but with how everything went down and the disruption that’d cause Aurora.” He shook his head, lips pursed. “No way’s a judge around here going to approve something like that.” _

_ She leaned in, settling against him when his free arm came up to wrap around her out of reflex, palm heavy on her side. Raising enough to whisper in his ear, Beth slid a hand into his hair when his grip tightened.  _

_ “No one can take her from you, Daryl.” The promise was one he needed to hear no matter how much he might already know it to be true. “You’re a good dad. It’s gonna be ok.”  _

_ His head leaned against her mouth. _

_ She left a kiss on his ear. _

_ It was only minutes later that a car pulled up, a blonde only slightly taller than herself exiting it. Pretty, very much so, and Beth tried to shove the sudden and disorienting thought away, that the woman approaching them was Auri’s real mom. A little closer to Rick and Daryl’s age, confidence coming off of her despite the fact that she was clearly nervous. Beth picked apart each well-proportioned feature of the unknown face and body.  _

_ A note of disquiet smacked into her that she hadn’t expected. Beth willed herself to stop weighing each of her own aspects against the new arrival. She barely reigned in the urge to shake her head. _

_ What the heck was wrong with her? _

_ This was not about her. It was about Daryl and Jessie finding some kind of balance so that Auri would be able to learn about her birth mother and so that Jessie didn’t lose the last piece of her sister still on Earth. She swore that if the feeling hadn’t caught her so off guard, that it would be easier to shake off, but as it was, the dang thing sidled under her ribs and stayed there. _

_ “That her?” Daryl asked, a quick look at his face showing mostly confusion. _

_ Rick nodded, raising a hand in greeting. “Yeah, told ya she didn’t look much at all like Jacklyn.” _

_ Jacklyn. _

_ Auri’s mom.   _

_ Daryl’s hand found hers and clasped it tightly, his fingers gripped hers until it hurt, but she only squeezed back harder.  _

_ When Jessie reached them she dipped a chin at Rick in hello. Her eyes then flew to Daryl, hand reaching out to be shaken. Beth immediately tried to disengage from Daryl’s hold, to drop the hand that he’d need to return the gesture. But he bore down more firmly, nearly making her wince, his head giving a tilting jerk in her direction.  _

_ He silently prompted the other woman to acknowledge Beth first.  _

_ Attempting to act like she wasn’t completely thrown by his actions, Beth hurried to offer her own hand. Her smile felt brittle but it was there when the new arrival faltered and turned to her instead, hand still hanging in the air for another awkward moment before they were greeting one another uncomfortably. _

_ “I’m Jessie,” she said, introducing herself cordially, and Beth fought down the butterflies in her throat to do the same. _

_ “I’m Beth, it’s nice to meet you.” _

_ An answering smile. “And you’re...Daryl’s girlfriend?” _

_ “Ye-” _

_ “She’s Auri’s mama too.” _

_ And just like that, both of her hands were in sudden danger of being crushed.  _

_ Choking off a hiss, she pulled each of them free, wiggling and then clasping them together, feeling all the attention on her at once. She’d seen a tumultuous flash of emotion in the other woman’s eyes, an amalgamation of feelings that Beth couldn’t hope to detangle and wouldn’t try.  _

_ At the moment she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do to Daryl more; a solid session of berating him for springing that little introduction on them the first time they’d met, or kiss him breathless for insisting on clarifying her role in Auri’s life before he’d even shaken Jessie’s hand. _

_ Probably the berating -  _ if  _ she didn’t know the place that horribly awkward statement sprung from. He had set beliefs on how things should work, where people fit into his life, certain modes of conduct that didn’t always make sense to her. This possible addition to their family, to Auri’s life, and all that that represented… _

_ What Jessie might say to his kit, the way she might react if he did let her be around his daughter and Auri called Beth “mama”. He more than likely wanted to rip the bandaid off the situation right now to get it over with. _

_ But Jacklyn’s sister didn’t know that. _

_ And from the change in her expression, how closed off it had become, Beth could only guess what his declaration had meant to her. A warning shot perhaps, a call to arms for a fight she might have thought a possibility but hoped wouldn’t happen. Without meaning to, Daryl might have just set Jessie against Beth from the jump. _

_ Refusing to let her breath get away from her, as the heat in her face told her that her cheeks had, she smiled somewhat apologetically. Beth kept her gaze off of her significant other while feeling  _ his  _ blaze against her already too warm skin.  _

_ “We’ve been together since the time Auri was born is all.” She didn’t know how to lessen the tension without also discrediting or degrading their life together, which she wasn’t willing to do. “She knows Jacklyn’s her mom too. We go an’ see her as much as we can.” _

_ Rick had explained about the meadow too... _

_ Jessie’s face crumpled swiftly, turning away, the woman made hurried dashing motions at her face. Beth wanted to do something, wrap her in a hug, offer support for a grief she couldn’t imagine having to feel herself. _

_ She was only able to get out a, “I’m very sorry for your loss.” The statement was so overused that it felt stale on her tongue.  _

_ Elbowing the man next to her as covertly as possible, she motioned pointedly and gave him a look to match. Daryl’s expression contorted into something between dread and embarrassment. Their eyes stayed locked, with Beth’s brows raising steadily higher until the man finally caved with a sigh and sidled half a step closer to Jessie. _

_ “Look,” he began, clearly struggling to come up with what should come next. “M’sorry ‘bout yer sister. Can’t tell ya no more about her, what she was doin’ since the last time ya saw her. Any more than Rick can.” And then quieter, so that the words became private even with Beth and Rick in hearing range. “Ain’t tryin’ to forget her, make it so Aurora don’ know her. S’just, we got a’life here. A good one.” _

_ Jessie turned back to him then, lips trembling with her effort to keep it together. “And I’m not looking to upset that.” _

_ Beth reasoned with herself that it was rather ridiculous, to feel as though she was intruding on something she had no right to be seeing. A flicking glance at Rick showed a man very much attempting to fade into the background. Body mostly turned away, he tracked the slow-moving cars as they passed by on one of the roads that ran the perimeter of the park. She wished, pretty ardently at the moment, that she could do something similar. _

_ There was a contest of wills happening, or perhaps a staring contest on different terms than the one she and Daryl had just had. It added weight to her chest, to the air around them, strung time out and made her itch waiting for it to stop. Whatever he saw in Jessie’s gaze, he seemed alright with, and the pressure in Beth’s ears depleted by degrees when he rocked back onto his heels.  _

_ Daryl gestured to a nearby table with his chin, letting the other woman go on before him. _

_ Beth almost jumped when she felt Rick’s warmth along her arm, the man having silently closed the distance between them. “Am I the only one shocked at the number of words he just strung together? That was damn near a paragraph’s worth.” _

_ She made choppy little slicing movements with her hand close to her neck, inviting the officer to kindly keep his smartass-ness to himself for the time being. He let out a breath of a laugh just as Daryl came up short on his way to the table and cast a look back at her.  _

_ Waiting. _

_ Waiting for her. _

_ “G’on,” she encouraged him, ignoring the best she could, how Jessie’s lips pursed in an unfavorable manner as she waited. “Me an’ Rick are gonna give you two a minute.” _

_ “We are?” She stepped purposefully back onto Rick’s foot, smiling more genuinely when she heard his grunt of pain. “Y’all have yourselves a’ chat,” he called, voice strained. “We’ll be around.”  _

_ She gave a scowling Daryl a wave. _

_ She’d stay close by, wasn’t going to leave him. _

_ Would wait for him too. _

She blinked down at her untouched sandwich. It wasn’t clear to her now, when exactly she’d begun to think that Jessie and Daryl had started sleeping together. Maybe her sister had said something. Had pointed out how often the recently divorced mother of two had been willing to make the long drive down to visit. Sometimes for month-long stretches. 

The thought could have just as easily sprung up all on its own for her, somewhere around the time she noticed how shifty her ex got whenever the woman was brought up. Like not wanting to tell her when Jessie was coming to visit.

It hardly mattered.

Wasn’t her business anymore, what he did with his body.

Picking up the circular article of food, she pushed her fingers into it dazedly. Listening as Auri hummed tunelessly and licked the jelly from what was left of her own PB&J. Beth took a bite and mulled it around her taste buds for a while. It’d been a year, almost exactly, since they’d broken up. It was bound to stop being so hard at some point. She just wished that point had come and gone. Maybe then the processed muck in her mouth would taste more like it was supposed to, and not so much like, well,  _ muck _ . 

Not letting her attention be consumed by Daryl hadn’t worked out as well as she’d hoped. 

Mind running steadily for a suitable topic, she nudged Auri.

“You excited for swimmin’ lessons?” Her question was met with a rapidly nodding head as the toddler scrambled to finish licking her fingers clean. “Yeah?”

“Mhmmm!” Small sticky hands clapped together, making her smile. “Da an’ Aunt Jessie are going with me too!”

_ Right. _

_ Ok. _

Suitable did not necessarily mean safe. Something to remember.

She was not going to look at him. Was not going to notice his stillness on the other side of the table. It was an oversight on her part, had heard it through the grapevine that Daryl had found time to finally get the little tadpole into classes, something they’d meant to do since she’d shown a love for bathtimes. For some bizarre reason, she’d decided in her head that there would be something...sacred? About the swimming, that if he invited someone to go with them, it’d be her.

_ Move on. _

“That’s gonna be so much fun,” she said, taking a stubbornly large bite of her food. Words garbled slightly when she continued. “You’re gonna be so busy! Did Daddy tell you we’re goin’ to the park?”

There, that had to be safe, plans between the three of them.

Auri all but froze, looking moments from flying off the bench. “ _ Righ’ now? _ ” 

“No, but soon.” Beth’s answer made little brows furrow.

Soon wasn’t something Auri was good at measuring.

“Tomorrow?”

Beth chuckled and put the remains of her food back on the table. “A week? Maybe two?”

Auri’s face scrunched up in an exact replication of Daryl’s when he found something particularly irksome or otherwise unsatisfactory. A harder laugh tickled in her throat. Knowing the pint-sized Dixon would not appreciate it any more than her daddy would, to be laughed at while irritated, Beth kept it firmly in place.

“But, I wanna go to the park with you, Mama.” 

That was all she needed, for her girl to want to spend time with her.

“And we will, it’ll come up quick,” she answered, smoothing her hand over Auri’s ponytailed hair. “Promise.”

Another Daryl impersonation, lips pulling to one side skeptically, but she wobbled a nod.

Unable to stop herself, Beth ticked a glance at their silent lunchmate. She was surprised to see much the same look mirrored on his face as well. He, of course, noticed her changed focus and swiftly ducked his head. Since he’d already finished his meal, and in order to continue his evasionairy tactics, Daryl gathered up all their trash and made his way to the nearest garbage can. 

“Mama?”

She looked down at Auri, smiling at the deeply meditative look on her two-year-old’s face. 

“Yeah, honey?”

“You, and me, and Daddy go to the park?”

Little face tilting up to look at her, cocking to one side, Auri was clearly still thinking about something pretty heavily. Beth’s lips pulled wider, tucking their corners into her cheeks. It was incredible, getting to see the toddler put things together, or learn new things daily, seeing how smart she was with each passing week.

“Yep, me, you, and Daddy are going to go to the park here in a little while, soon as Da and Mama both have the same time off, probably on a weekend.”

A lot of that seemed to be extraneous information to her daughter, who quit nodding after the first handful of words. Her chin jutted out slightly, eyes narrowed in contemplation, she tried again and Beth watched, surprised at how determined she was to get the answer she was after. 

“ _ Jus’ _ you an’ me an’ Daddy go?”

“You  _ want  _ it to be just the three of us?” Beth caught sight of Daryl on his way back, he’d found somewhere to wet a napkin, no doubt for Auri’s jelly-covered hands. “You, me, and Daddy?”

The serious expression melted in a flash.

“Uh-huh! Yeah!”

Her answer was coupled with one of the largest smiles Beth had ever seen, so big it all but made Auri’s eyes disappear into slits as she clapped her hands and nodded almost frantically, clearly elated by the prospect. And though she tried, not  _ too  _ hard but she did try, Beth couldn’t help but compare her child’s reaction to this news versus when Auri was talking about time spent with Aunt Jessie. Did that make her petty? Auri let out a giggle, her deep blues shining brilliantly in the winking rays of light that made it through the tree’s branches. 

It might be, but…

Whatever, she couldn’t help it and refused to feel guilty over it. That her kid clearly exalted in the idea of the three of them getting to do activities together. It felt like that was as it should be. That maybe all the rockiness of her and Daryl’s relationship had somehow managed to not spoil Auri’s experience of the three of them as a unit. And that was more like a blessing than anything else.

Then Daryl was back and washing stray tracks of purple from tiny squirming hands. He asked where Beth’s next class was and if they had time to go back to the quad so that Auri could get a closer look at the fountain. And she couldn’t help but smile brightly at him, maybe even more brightly when his head ticked back the slightest bit in surprise, and tell him she had time enough for just that  _ very  _ thing.

Nope, she wasn’t going to feel guilty about it at all. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not so social drinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. - Hey, look, an update. Now if only I was writing as much as I was posting. Aha...aha...

**Chapter 5**

 

**Friday, April 19th**

 

He walked through the door and just about turned the fuck around and went right back out. 

A night out at Michonne’s bar had seemed like an alright plan. Like what a single guy of whatever age should do on a Friday night. Especially if that guy’s only daily motivation, his little girl, was off having a sleepover at the Grimes residence with Rick, Michonne, Carl, Andre, and Judith. Kids were thick as thieves, all of them doting on Kit, even though Judy was only about a year older. It was nice, that Rick and his ex-wife Lori and that prick, Shane, had worked things out and agreed on a shared custody deal.

Daryl was happy for them, really.

Not their goddamn fault that he had no fuckin’ clue what to do with himself when he wasn’t being Auri’s daddy. Already went to the pizzeria, got caught up on shit there, had only taken a couple of hours when he wasn’t stopping the new hires from burning down the place or giving food poisoning to the customers. Almost went to the superstore, but that felt way too embarrassing like he was  _ that  _ guy. Old dude that didn’t have anyone to hang out with, didn’t party because the noise got to be too much, loitered around and chatted about shit that didn’t matter.

Rick had offered the sleepover to give him a free night.

And what the hell was he going to do with it? 

_ Sleep? _

Didn’t sound too bad honestly, but something base and restless had growled at him.

So here he was, except there were a lot of shitty people here too. Didn’t know if that was accurate necessarily, they were younger though, for the most part. Loud and jostling against one another, using the bottlenecks of the floor’s layout to strike up bashful or brazen conversations that he wanted no part of. He tended to steer clear of the bars these days unless he had Jessie with him, but she wasn’t coming for a little while yet. She’d be staying until after Kit’s birthday, which she’d sounded excited about. Was going to bring some photo albums she’d found so that she could show Auri what Jacklyn had looked like when she was growing up.

He’d deal with how that shit made him feel later on.

Right now, he eased through the crowd towards the bar, doing his best to tune out the real reason he’d almost done an abrupt about-face as soon as he walked through the door. The chords of the song had just started, so he was going to have to grit his teeth and get through the whole damn thing. Hadn’t really had much of an opinion on music before  _ her _ , it was on or it wasn’t, was bearable or wasn’t. Didn’t have a preference, a genre that he liked or disliked more than any other for any kind of reason. But she was something he’d learned, studied, not just in particular situations, but all the time. One of the lessons of her, a slow piece of the curriculum to come to light, was how she’d listen to country music when she was sad.

Girl always had been full of interesting little idiosyncrasies.

When she’d been feeling down, and at the end, that’d been a lot of the time. There’d be twanging strings sounding moodily throughout their place. He’d get home, hear a melancholy guitar, and bow his head in the closest thing to a prayer that he knew. Ask for the ability or luck to make her want to shut the station off, or change it to another one. To do for his woman like she’d done so many times for him, and be the one that kept things going, kept things worth the struggle. And if it had been any old song, any of the ones that moaned about bad jobs or alcohol-soaked nights, he’d be able to sack up and shrug it off.

But  _ this  _ song.

The opening verse was coming to an end, but no matter with how loud the people around him were, no matter how they squeezed in against him, or how lost he tried to get with the beer he did his best to chug down, none of it could stop the chorus from drilling into his mind. Hiccuping the rate of his heartbeat as he tipped the booze back down and pulled away. Damn thing twisted all around him as he got his breath back.   
  
_ “Could you paint me a Birmingham _ _   
_ _ Make it look just the way I planned _ _   
_ _ A little house on the edge of town _ _   
_ _ Porch goin' all the way around _ _   
_ _ Put her there in the front yard swing _ _   
_ _ Cotton dress, make it, early spring _ _   
_ _ For a while, she'll be mine again _ _   
_ __ If you can paint me a Birmingham”

It was a short song, he knew it, only had another verse a couple more rounds of the chorus. Knew it because she’d played it again and again, said it was...A woman brushed along his side, eyeing him through her lashes, and he resolutely sideled to one side, far away as he could get. She tossed auburn waves at him in disgust and turned her back. Worked for him. He took a seat on a stool and hunched his shoulders, glad that his placement made it less likely for people to notice or crowd in, what with the lacquered wooden wall to the side of him. Made it harder to ignore the damn song, but picking the right battles was half the fight these days.   
  
_ “He looked at me, with knowing eyes _ _   
_ _ Then took a canvas from a bag there by his side _ _   
_ _ Picked up a brush, and said to me _ _   
_ _ Son, just where in this picture would you like to be? _ _   
_ _ And I said if there's any way you can _ _   
_ __ Could you paint me back into her arms again?”

Yeah, if only that was fuckin’ possible.

He gagged down the rest of his beer, pushed the empty bottle in front of him and jerked his chin when the bartender, who of course knew him by sight, made the rounds for refills. He did his best to sip the new one, all the while dragging his gaze along the container’s rounded edges, didn’t really give a shit about it, just didn’t feel smart to look anywhere else. 

Wasn’t right, someone picking this of all tunes out of the nearly infinite amount of tracks that Michonne’s fancy jukebox could play. Might be some type of higher power telling him to get the fuck on, go home, and accept that maybe he just wasn’t into this scene anymore. Didn’t make him  _ that  _ guy. Made him some dude that had a busy life that wasn’t motivated to socially drink for the same reasons most of the people in here were. 

_ M’not lookin’ for someone to fuck. _

He’d made it through another chorus, one more and he was goddamn golden.

_ “Could you paint me a Birmingham _ _   
_ _ Make it look just the way I planned _ _   
_ _ A little house on the edge of town _ _   
_ _ Porch going' all the way around _ _   
_ _ Put her there in the front yard swing _ _   
_ _ Cotton dress, make it, early spring _ _   
_ _ For a while, she'll be mine again _ _   
_ __ If you can paint me a Birmingham”   
  
The sigh ran through him deeply as a different song began to play. He pulled his phone out, checking to see if Rick or Michonne had checked in or needed anything. Nothing there. If Merle hadn’t had a shift tonight, Daryl might have asked him to come along, if only so he didn’t feel like such a freak, sitting in the corner, not wanting to talk to anyone. Sure, his brother was still on parole, but the PO was a lax sonofabitch which meant his brother had been drinking again for the last year or so. 

He risked a quick glance around the area, more of the same, people hitting on one another, making eyes at one another, couple groups playing pool behind him, drunk people on the dance floor. Few different people huddled up on the couches at the far end of the building, maybe more in the booths that he couldn’t see around the corner.

Typical night.

Noise wasn’t so bad, once he got used to it again.

Might be better than sitting at home, by himself —

_ “He was sittin' there,”  _

“You gotta be  _ shittin’  _ me right now,” he groaned, voice lost in all the other commotion.

_ “his brush in hand _ _   
_ _ Painting' waves as they danced, upon the sand _ _   
_ _ With every stroke, he brought to life _ _   
_ _ The deep blue of the ocean, against the morning sky _ _   
_ _ I asked him if he only painted ocean scenes _ _   
_ _ He said for twenty dollars, I'll paint you anything” _ _   
_ _   
_ And then there was that damn chorus again.   
  
Jesus  __ fuckin’ Christ, was he not already doing his best to not think about her? To not spend hours of his time on the phone, scrolling through that damn app and wrecking his brain, just to feel closer to her. Had he not thrown himself hard enough into other people to fill that nasty fucker in his chest where he used to keep her? Now some asshole was goin’ off and all but taunting him with this shit. 

Making him remember...back when that hole wasn’t there.

_ “I ever tell you, how good ya look?” _

_ The drill in his hand almost wound up fumbled into his face, damn thing jumping off the screw and coming close to gouging a furrow in the ceiling of the porch. Well enough that his stance on the ladder was a surer one because falling off it would be hilarious unless he broke his goddamn neck. The scoff had already kicked out from the back of his throat by the time he was able to set eyes on her. Got a little brought up short after that, no denying, she’d been unpacking while he worked outside, cute little shorts showing off a stretch of leg, her tank top scooped low. Glittering of sweat on her pale sternum. Wasn’t looking him in the face though, gaze tracked where his arm bunched to keep the tool in his hand steady. _

_ Mild prickling in his cheeks. _

_ Stupid. _

_ Good Lord, he knew every inch of this woman and she knew every scarred inch of him. _

_ A compliment shouldn’t send him red and running. _

_ “If ya said it while holdin’ a’ beer in your hand, I’d believe it more.” His teasing had her tipping her chin up at him cheekily, lips curving a little. “Or maybe if you had less on.” _

_ That made her eyes roll, but he got a flash of teeth out of it too. _

_ He finished screwing the swing hook into place, gave it a testing tug to see how it felt. Warmth on his calf, and he looked down to find her hand on his leg and her eyeing his work curiously. Bit of excitement in her clear blues when they met his. He’d been through dozens of swing models, didn’t even think they made that many different kinds. But his woman had been after the perfect one, put some weird picture-pinner-fuckin’-thing on his phone to show him different setups and designs. _

_ The heat of her lanced clear through him, pooled into his heart more than anywhere else, the way she tightened her grip, a smile growing, adding a little jig in case he didn’t already know how happy she was to be getting everything put together. _

_ “Wanna hand me one a’ them chains?” His own lips twitched at her bobbing nod and the way it was followed with her all but skipping to haul up the chains he’d left by the stairs. Putting the drill on the top of the ladder, he combed through his sweaty hair. “I get this all done, you good takin’ a’ break with me? Test it out?” _

_ “Absolutely,” she agreed, returning and passing up a length of the linked metal. “What were you wantin’ to do on it to test it?” _

_ She could tease too. _

_ His huff was followed with a brief tingling of his extremities, like his body was doing a quick check of its condition, to make sure he was ready for her. Damn thing didn’t know when the woman was joking. Daryl slid one of the links into place and gave another jerk, just to be safe. Thing didn’t budge. Glancing down at her, he paused, look on her face wasn’t so joking anymore. He ran a quick tongue over dry lips. Shit, maybe his body knew more than he’d given it credit for. _

_ But they had shit to do, always did and always had, and she gave him a slightly regretful grin. _

_ Knew exactly what they were both thinking. _

_ They went about the business at hand, hanging the other chains, going through that process before moving on to hanging the actual swing itself into place. He folded up the ladder and bent to lower it easily onto the ground. Turning back, he saw her scrutinizing the finished product, pulling on the different chains, knocking her thigh against the white wooden seat to watch it sway evenly back and forth. _

_ “Don’t you be lookin’ so goddamn skeptical now,” he rasped, giving her a half-assed scowl as she jumped mildly and locked onto his approach. “That kitchen deal I put in ever give out on you when I had ya up there?” Pulling her against his chest, Daryl looked down his nose at her playfully. One hand on her hip and the other at the small of her back, he raised his brows at her amused smirk of a response. “Hell no. That fucker was solid.”  _

_ Her face was pinking the barest amount, and it was like he couldn’t help himself. _

_ Nuzzling along her cheekbone, kissing her temple, he kept going. “Ya ‘member the time after that party a’ Sasha’s?” Her breath caught and he smiled, big as fuck, lips and teeth nudging her soft skin as she wound one arm around his neck. “Came outta the bathroom t’see ya leanin’ over it, in that fuckin’ skirt, flashin’ yer panties at me.” _

_ “I wasn’t-” _

_ “The fuck you weren’t.” _

_ He bent and nipped at her pulse point, her earlobe, tried to remember the long list of shit they had yet to do. It sure was fuckin’ difficult. Prioritizing anything over getting some more tiny gasps out of her. His hold tightened for a beat so he could feel all the places they touched, and then he was stepping back, slowly dropping his arms, feeling her hands drag their way down his chest in obvious confusion. There was heat in her gaze, and he knew his own mirrored it.  _

_ That’d been a great night, real great, have to help your woman deep clean the kitchen next day kind of great. _

_ But the ten-minute break he’d figured them getting would stretch considerably longer if they went down the path they were on. Hadn’t really meant to get her all riled up, but it was alright, she knew he’d make good on it, first chance he got. And anyway, he’d heard almost nothing but her gushing about this sonofabitching porch swing since she’d seen the broken one when they’d walked up to the house the first time. He’d bought and redone the whole damn setup just to make sure it was safe for her and Auri to be on.  _

_ So they were gonna sit on it, and he was going to spend ten minutes watching the sun sink into the trees with the only person (save his kid) who could get him to do something as idiotic as hanging a porch swing to begin with.   _

_ Barely keeping another grin from his mouth at her look of exasperation that his decision had earned, Daryl moved until he could settle his weight onto the padded seat. To showcase how sturdy it was and how unafraid he was of it falling, he really sprawled on the bench. His frame ranged to cover half the space, arms resting along the back. He cocked a brow at her challengingly.  _

_ This would probably be the time he found out there were rotten or weak boards that’d send him crashing down. _

_ Beth’s eyes slit in mock agitation, but then she stilled, one hand gesturing for him to hold on, she scampered back inside the house. Left him frowning where he sat. _

_ “Now what’re ya doin’?” he called, getting a muffled reply from her to hold his horses. “Did hold m’damn horses.” The grumbling was easy and without ire as he rolled his shoulders. “Yer still dressed aint’cha?” _

_ She came back out, cradling her phone and that little speaker that attached to it in one hand, and a beer that probably had not had enough time to get cold in the other. Didn’t mar the picture she made none. Girl definitely looked rather proud of herself as she handed him the bottle, felt cool enough to the touch, and right now he’d stomach it regardless. He cracked it open while he watched her search her phone for something.  _

_ A quick pull from the drink and then he stowed it out of the way, saw her do the same with both of her devices as a tune started to play from the speaker. _

_ “Listen to this song,” she said, climbing next to him on the swing. Feet up, one leg against the seat, the other crooked up as she laid back against him, wasting no time in grabbing his arm off the backrest to drape it across her shoulders. Woman loved this layout for when they were kicked back relaxing, watching movies or whatever, holding his hand, free arm propped against his thigh. A nice calm rolled through him, feeling her tucked along his ribs like she was. “It’s perfect, right?” _

_ He hummed, focusing on what the song said. Sight narrowing some when he screwed his face up. _

_ “It’s shit.” _

_ “Daryl!” She sounded so scandalized that he huffed a laugh, jerking when she drove an elbow into his stomach. “It is not!” _

_ It gave him a pain is what it did.  _

_ Man singing was resigned. Had lost his girl and wasn’t getting her back.  _

_ Nightmare tune. _

_ “It’s,” he tried again, not wanting to seem like an asshole when he wasn’t even trying to be one, he was already pretty good at it no matter the situation. “Fuckin’ depressing.” _

_ “I think it’s sweet,” she murmured, cozying back into him again. “He loves her so much. You can tell he really misses what they had.” _

_ “Loved her so much,” he grumbled under his breath but leaned down enough to speak against the side of her head, her hair tickling his chin. “He should’a held on harder.” _

_ Her laugh was startled when he exhibited exactly what he’d meant, forearm digging lightly into her sternum, fusing her to his side. Loosening his hold, Daryl pushed off the porch with his heels, sending them swaying as the song started over again. God damn the jackass that’d come up with the replay button. But his uneasiness mellowed when she started singing along, brief glimpses of her face showing her smiling achingly as she did. He let his eyes blink closed, cheek resting on the gentle curve of her head. The orange light of the lowering sun painted splashes of color against his lids, made him sigh as she played with his fingers, absentmindedly gliding her own over them and up to his wrist.    _

_ Every now and again he’d kick them off to keep the gentle movements the same. _

_ “Since when do ya listen to country? Hmmm?” She’d been making her way through each of the CD’s he’d gotten her for Christmas, getting hooked on an artist now and again, for a month here, a couple of months there. Had the genre been in amongst the other Greatest Hits compilations he’d gotten her? Could be. Beth had never listened to it with him around, but he would kind of assume that that was something she’d be into. “You get hooked on a new singer an’ not tell me?” _

_ Seemed unlikely, she always enjoyed giving him a little rundown of what interesting information she’d found out about the person in question. He tried to remember all of it, but she’d get to talking so fast that sometimes he just lost track of the name and the story, watching her light up and beam about what lyrics meant what and who they’d been about. _

_ She shifted, like she wanted to burrow into him, shook her head. “I only listen to it once in a’ while.” _

_ “Yeah?”  _

_ He was about to ask her about it, about when, and who, and why. Was gearing up his tired brain to retain the facts, but then her phone started ringing, and he lost his train of thought. Grunting when she heaved herself from the swing to answer it. Frowned at the chilly spot she’d left, snapping his fingers to get her attention, he pointed at her vacated seat and smiled crookedly when she clicked her tongue at him like she did whenever she was dismayed in some capacity — seriously or otherwise. _

_ “Yeah, Mama, it’s comin’ along, slow but sure.” She nodded as she meandered her way back to him, snuggling into where she belonged while she listened. “No. No, we’re takin’ a quick break right now. Yes, we are— Mama, I promise.” Containing what sounded very much like a growl in her throat, Beth thrust her phone at him, almost clipping his nose. “Would you please tell her ta’ stop bein’ such a worry wart? An’ tell her,” she continued as he took the device, “that we’re resting and hydratin’ and all that?” _

_ “Hey, Annette.” He could hear babbling in the background that sounded like Auri telling her nonsensical stories, learning more words every day, but the kit was still more meaningless jabber than anything else. “We just got the porch swing up, got ‘er sittin’ on it now.” _

_ “Don’t you let her overdo, Daryl Dixon,” Annette replied, in full mother mode. “She’s got school and this youngin’ to take care of. Y’all will have a chance to get all a’ that settled without her  _ or  _ you working yourselves into a’ fit.”  _

_ “I hear ya,” he promised, moments away from calling her ma’am and getting himself in trouble. _

_ “You’d better,” she groused lightly, making an answering noise at Auri, who laughed hysterically in response. The next words were considerably less authoritative. “You get her to take a’ minute and get off her feet?” _

_ “Wasn’t easy,” he told her, a moment before that damn elbow was back in his gut. “But nah, we’re alrigh’, be here another hour or two, then be headed over to pick up Kit.” _

_ “You take your time, hon.” Another cooing noise, another peel of laughter. “We’re all good over here.” _

_ They said their goodbyes and the line beeped. Soon as it had, the damn song started up again. _

_ “Christ,” he complained, handing the phone back to her. The ten minutes had come and gone, but five more wouldn’t hurt anything. “One more round a’ that and then we better get goin’ again.” _

_ She twisted enough to give him a knowing smile, pressing a quick kiss to his jaw. _

_ “I knew ya’d like it.” _

_ “I don’t.” _

_ “Yeah, you do.” _

_ He scoffed and tugged her into place, and when she couldn’t see him anymore, went back to closing his eyes and listening to her sing with the smile all woven and threaded through her voice.  _

_ Guess it was pretty close to perfect. _

Looking back later, he’d call himself every filthy name for stupid he had in his vocabulary. That he didn’t know any better, couldn’t put two and two together to get four. But he sat on that stool, listened to the end of the song roll by, and when the fucker started  _ again _ ...Well, he just couldn’t handle it. Couple people muttered darkly about it. Who the hell was playing this same damn tune again and again? Daryl took that as an open invitation to do what he did. 

Shoving himself up from his position, he slid through the crowd like a buck knife through hide and got to the jukebox. All lit up, looking like a little party all by itself, he knew busting it to shit wasn’t an option. That was if he wanted to keep his ass intact anyhow. Might be an overreaction in any event, but there was a queasy mix of adrenaline, nostalgia, and something akin to homesickness sloshing around his intestines. Made the hand, the one that gripped the power cord of the machine, shake and tremble in the flesh. 

Giving it a good jerk, the song cut out, and some people sent up a clamor. Sounded like half of them were grateful and the other was irritated. Shaking his head, ignoring both parties, he plugged it back in. 

And then whiplashed to his feet when  _ one  _ voice raised itself above the others.

“Hey!” Indignant, and managing to sound more twanging than it normally did with only the one word,  _ she  _ came around the corner from where those out of sight booths were. “Why’d y—”

It was some movie plot bullshit, probably wasn’t really happening, that all around them the noise quieted and there was a clear path between them that no one would step into. Jeans and an obligatory school t-shirt on, the innocuous outfit still managed to throw him. Mind jarred against it, sure she should be in shorts, a tank top of pale yellow that had made him think of newborn chicks hanging on her toned frame. It might be under different circumstances, more unfortunate ones than before, but he had the vaguest thought about her once more being magical — capable of popping up if he’d just think of her enough.

Couldn’t be right though, or else she’d be with him all the time.

He was rooted, body still turned towards the jukebox, all commands sent to his feet were completely ignored. Neck cranked to see her, she appeared to be just as frozen, arm thrown wide to one side in a still-shot of her forgotten irritation. Or, if not forgotten, paused for the time being. She was mid-step and locked, face betraying every ounce of surprise she was feeling. It was possible that his was doing the same, but he’d stopped being able to feel the damn thing about the second her voice had hijacked his spine. 

Made him wonder just how hard that beer had hit him. Made him curse the bombardment of those damn pins he’d seen over the past months.

_ Intoxicate - (v.) 1. To make (someone) unable to think and behave normally. _

  1. _To excite or please._



Her name slipped from his mouth around the same time his did from hers, and it was a quick spray of WD-40 on his rusted hinges, allowed him to turn and take a step. Chain reaction, her arm dropped limply and she sidled a little closer too. It struck him, just how mortified she looked, eyes everywhere but on his, arms going up to barricade her ribs. 

Her face had been flushed the moment he saw her, but now it swept down her neck, and he had intimate knowledge of the exact patch of skin between her breasts where that salmon color would fade into cream. It was doubtful that he was in better shape, more than likely he was far worse, but again, not receiving any sensory feedback from his face, it was hard to know. 

“What’re you doin’ here?” Did he sound accusatory? Her expression hardened minutely and he wanted to shake his head, tell her it was just the gruffness in his cords, the kind that had always been there when he was some type of emotional.

Got tied in with that whole, not being able to voice whatever else was going on in his chest, thing.

_ Alexithymia - (n.) Difficulty in experiencing, expressing, and describing emotional responses. -or- The inability to express your feelings. _

Fuckin’ story of his life. 

“I’m 21 now, Daryl,” she defended, crossing her arms that much tighter. “I’m allowed ta’ go to bars now an’ then if I want.”

Now he did shake his head, that hadn’t been what he meant at all. “Know you’re legal, girl.” She blinked away from him and shuffled her feet. “Gotcha them boots ta’ celebrate,” he continued, motioning at the evidence she’d been good enough to wear for him. “Kit take all the credit for ‘em or somethin’?”

There, a joke, or what had attempted to be one. Instead, he must be coming off as abrasive, if the way her brows furrowed was any indication. It was just, she’d caught him off guard, wasn’t supposed to run into her here. 

Wasn’t supposed to deal with her one on one after he’d had something to drink (though only enough to make him feel like there was carbonation in his blood) and had been diving into the life that used to be. He wasn’t good with these kinds of surprises, social shit he wasn’t prepared for, hadn’t seen coming.

“Well, you didn’t have to get them for me.” She dropped her gaze to the objects in question. “I don’t think most people keep gettin’ their exes stuff once they break up with ‘em.”

Hammer to his chest, literally pushed the breath out. 

He  _ hated  _ that.

Always sounded too damn simple when she said it like she had.

“Guess we both don’t make any kind’a goddamn sense then, huh?”

That got her to look at him, head on, neon lights turning her blues into a prism of color.

For a few beats he couldn’t breathe, but then her lips twitched and she nodded. “Guess not.”

He hadn’t been the only one getting their ex presents over the last year. None of the regular rules applied. Not that he’d have a great handle on what the regular rules were considering she was the only relationship he’d ever cared to have, but having Auri in the mix made it so that complete separation was impossible. She’d get sent to the other parent holding a present, and while she said it was from her and whoever else, it was clear who’d put in the legwork and everything.

They just didn’t talk about it.

It occurred to him like a quick slap, that no one had come trailing after her, and he suddenly wondered who in hell she was here with. Not that it was much of his business. Would definitely be a new level of awful if she was on a date, or if Maggie was around the corner waiting for her.

“Who’s with ya?” Casual, please for the love of everything, he hoped it came out casually. 

Beth shook her head hurriedly, almost too hurriedly, made little alarms go off in his head.

“Nobody.”

She’d come to the bar alone? Drove down from Atlanta for the weekend and decided to come to Michonne’s for a drink by herself? Wasn’t that he didn’t believe her, not about to call her a liar if she said there was no one in a booth, twiddling their thumbs until she got back. But he sure as fuck wanted to know why. 

Why was she alone? Had she had a date and the asshole had stood her up? Had she had plans with a friend or family member and  _ they’d  _ stood her up? If none of that had happened, then why the fuck would she want to drink on her own with a bar full of guys eyeing her, promising to be trouble he knew she didn’t want? Any  _ one  _ of them might be the sort of nasty bastard to follow all quiet like behind her as she went to her car. 

And most of all…

“You listenin’ to country again?” He’d taken a step forward somewhere during all those thoughts, could feel people brush against him as they walked by, but none of them distracted his focus. Studied her hard, on the lookout for reddened eyes or nose, of tear tracks that’d stand out in the fluorescent lighting. Closer now, just a tad in her space, he lowered his voice to where it would barely carry to her. “Y’alright, Beth?”

She blanched, physically wincing away from him, which made him jerk back too. That edge came back into the way she looked at him like she thought he was trying to say shit that’d hurt her.

Fuck, he didn’t think they’d gotten to  _ that  _ point.

Hadn’t they been doing better? Calling, texting once in a while,  _ seeing  _ each other. And yeah, so the last time, Auri had started bawling fit to choke when he’d mentioned they were close to Beth’s school and then had to tell her that they couldn’t go. But he’d had a moment before the words came out of his mouth, part of him suspecting how things would play out if he said them, and he’d sure as fuck said them anyway. He’d then preceded to feel like shit for how upset his little girl had actually gotten, had only tried talking her out of it for about five minutes, giving in the second her sobs had led to hiccuping coughs. 

Couldn’t stand that.

Here Beth was, staring at him like he’d called her a filthy name, and all he wanted was to make sure she was ok. Similarly to Kit, he didn’t want Beth sad. Not ever. Might not seem that way, given some of their history, but she had to know.

Didn’t she?

“I’m fine,” she told him, wobbling slightly while doing nothing other than standing still.

The movement brought a whole new scope of things to the forefront that he should be worried about.

“Yeah? How ya gettin’ home?” It was early, either she was a lightweight (probable) or she had a couple of hours on him for the drink count. “Ain’t driving.”

Her chin jutted out marginally.

_ Fuck. _

“ _Don’t_ you tell me what I’ll be doing, Daryl Dixon.” He fought the urge to close his eyes and sigh at his own idiocy. “I’ve been finding my way home _for a whole year_ _now_ without ya. I’ll get myself there.”

A large part of him wanted to back down, throw his hands up and cry uncle, but the buzzing of alcohol or that spark of temper in her didn’t fail to catch his own. So instead of that, the smart thing, he leaned closer and returned her glare, inch for inch.

“You best call someone quick, seems like you’ve had plenty.”

Her arms shot down as she clenched her fingers into frustrated fists, that he knew would never strike him, not hard anyway, not in an attempt to do any real damage. She’d pushed him before when their fights got bad, but he never feared any kind of pain in that regard from her. All the emotional collateral damage was enough. 

“Just leave me  _ alone _ . It’s not like anyone will know we were here at the same time. No one’s gonna be  _ judging  _ you for not henpecking me ta’ death.” The close quality of her voice hinted that she was approaching tears territory, something to be avoided, he knew she hated it so much that she did that when pissed. But her words confused him. Henpecking her? When had that ever been their problem? “I won’t bother you.” She swallowed harshly like something had tried to make its way up her throat. “Whatever you had goin’ on here, an’ you just do the same for me. Deal?”

“ _ Nah _ ,” he snapped, not understanding what she was getting at in the least. “No fuckin’  _ deal _ . Ain’t leavin’ ya here on your own when ya’ve been drinkin’, Beth.” He shook his head. “ _ Christ. _ ”

She let out a loud breath, disbelief coloring her already patchy complexion. “So what?  _ I’m  _ not allowed to date or see other people?”

He would have liked it more if she actually did hit him — preferably with a fucking beer bottle — across the back of his head.

“That what you want?” It went against everything he’d known about her. Flooded him with recollections he wished to see blazing to ash in a burn barrel. “I gettin’ in the way a’ you  _ hookin’ up _ with one a’ these fucks?”

“I—” She looked around, and his senses clued into how quiet it’d become in their immediate vicinity. Daryl didn’t know why he’d asked that last bit, felt like he was bleeding maybe, wanted to either stitch it up or hack it off and be done. “No.”

He didn’t hesitate, there was something coursing hot and rampant through his bloodstream, and it wasn’t just the booze. Hell, he’d only had one and a quarter. No, this feeling was familiar, but he didn’t want to analyze it too closely. Got the impression that it wouldn’t lead to anywhere he wanted to dissect at the moment.

She answered him, and he closed just a hair’s worth of space and growled. “Then you tell me who’s takin’ ya home ‘fore I toss you over m’damn shoulder an’ do it myself.”

She wanted to dare him to. 

He could see it sure as shit in her eyes, the way they narrowed just so, how goddamn feisty she was and always had been. Must be killing her to just stand there silent. Set of his features must really be telling her something right now. Saying it for him so he didn’t have to, how willing he was to carry through. It was too hot, too many bodies and not enough ventilation or something. Daryl could feel the beads of sweat trail down his face, one slinking into his eye and making it burn. Tried not to pay attention to his heart rate, or the itching of his hands.

Flicked his gaze from hers only  _ after  _ she’d huffed out an exhale that always signaled when she was beaten and didn’t like it. There were a lot of people paying attention to their conversation. Some more openly than others. Most of those were the guys. Probably wondering what the old guy wanted, dude that looked closer in age to someone that’d be the blonde girl’s father than anything else. He was in the right kind of mood to  _ hope  _ they said something or did something, met each of their eyes and waited.  

Knew his face had shifted into something harder, sharper too. A different being entirely. Looked like a person that had never known softness of any kind. Never held a little girl until she fell asleep, never played peek-a-boo, never helped her search for fairies in the woods. Now he was all harsh angles that invited the first dumb motherfucker over to try and interrupt them, to  _ try  _ and get him away from her.

To try and take her.

_ Sciamachy - (n.) a battle against imaginary enemies; fighting your shadow. _

“Maggie’s supposed to be meeting me,” she said, fishing out her phone and clicking the lock button, frown deepening. “ _ Was _ going to meet me, but I guess something came up with Glenn so…” Clicking the lock button once more, she slid the device back into her pocket, meeting his gaze again stubbornly. “So I guess I’ll be callin’ a’ cab, it’s no big deal.”

Nope.

“C’mon,” he replied, motioning toward the door. “L’get ya home, got no business bein’ here anyway.” At her curling lip and bared teeth, he continued in a rush. “Meant  _ me _ , girl.” Then a bit of honesty to try and smooth things over. “Didn’t know what ta’ do with myself without Kit home. Figured this’d be as good an idea as anythin’ else, but…”

He ticked his head back and forth, waited for her to assess his answer. 

After an unknown and strained amount of time went by, she dipped her head, acknowledging exactly what his words had meant. Much more than he’d simply said. Beth walked by him, headed for the bar’s entrance, and he was quick to follow her out.

Better the bastard she knew, than the one she didn’t. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth's side of the bar meeting and some memories she'd rather not have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. - I honestly don't think I'm going to be able to stick to any kind of schedule with updates. I somehow just do not have the time that I used to. I'll keep posting what I have and I want to thank everyone for reading and commenting. Also thanks for everyone that read the last chapter of FotW, I know it's hard getting back into a story that long between updates.

**Chapter 6**

 

**Friday, April 19th**

 

She’d needed to blow off some steam.

Finals around the corner, certain plans for the weekend, and...other things. It all stitched itself into a patchwork monster in her mind. The panic and stress had taken her foot off the gas pedal when she’d reached town, took the turn to Michonne’s instead of the farm. Even with her late start out of the city, it was still too early to be drinking, really, but it was the first thing that came to mind in a moment of desperation. A second to herself would help, it had to, unravel some of that boogie man and chill her out a little. Perhaps a smarter idea would have been to go see a movie or something like that, however, it was still a better plan than some of the others she’d executed while spread too thin.

She was an adult, she could handle it.

Except it was pretty clear within the first hour that she had rarely been so wrong. Solo drinking at the local bar had sounded relaxing enough. What hadn’t been factored in were the other patrons. If it had just been guys hitting on her, something that did happen and she knew how to handle, things would have been fine. She didn’t calculate her response to the other types of individuals though. The ones not interested in her, but in each other, the ones that made her stare without meaning to.

Couples, or people wanting to couple, how they danced or flirted. The way they hung on one another or stole glances. It made that awful chunk of lonely in her chest writhe around. So she retreated to the nearest open booth, drank a few beers in the safe confines of the little sequestered area, and listened to the different songs that people picked. Tried not to get depressed about her neither she or Daryl was going to be with Auri this year for Easter. Their luck having officially run out when it came to school and work schedules.

Mostly she kept her mind off of  _ him  _ in general, and how the upcoming weekend was going to go. She couldn’t spend the rest of her friggin’ life pining over the man, no matter how pine-worthy he was.

Before, she’d been in love with the idea of building a life with him, a family, and nothing else came close on her list of important things. She’d posed arguments on both sides of that rationale. Old-fashioned, that’s what it was. But what was wrong with that? She came from an old-fashioned family, an old-fashioned town, and there was a large part of her that wanted nothing else but to be a mom and have a family. The voice in her head, the one that told her she was still really young, that she might have no way of knowing if that was  _ all  _ she wanted, was too small to pay much attention to. 

Classes led to a deeper understanding of herself, of how big the world around her actually was and how complex. The myriad of places and people, the cultures and belief systems that were different, but in many ways similar, and as beautiful as her own. She was inspired by her lessons, the ones that attempted to understand something as intricate as the human mind, behaviors that couldn’t always be explained, but sometimes,  _ sometimes _ , they could and she saw that reflected in the people around her. It wasn’t exactly a Disney moment, not a whole new world, but it turned the one she knew into a many faceted explosion of ideologies and motivations that she’d never realized were there before.

And she came to a startling determination.

That maybe, just  _ maybe _ , she’d been wrong.

She didn’t want everything about her to be directly dependent on what was happening with Daryl. For her mood,  _ her life _ , to center around his only.   

_ Isn’t that what he was trying to tell you? When you guys broke up? _

**_Don’t._ **

But then it was too late, and she was spiraling through all the crap that’d happened and the beer made everything feel that much more tangible and worse. Heated her skin for every memory that called for it, deadened her ability to fight back the ones that led to more morose feelings. 

It’d seemed like a logical course of action, to pick some songs out that were playing like a soundtrack in her mind already. 

_ The Beth and Daryl Greatest Hits Compilation brought to you by Bud Light and the Broken Heart’s Club: “Sure we’re a cliche, but so is your life!” For a limited time only, enjoy the two for one deal; missing the man that knew how to treat you right, and as a bonus, we’ll throw in unimaginable levels of grief over being absent from the life of the child that biologically isn’t even yours! Some restrictions may apply.   _

It’d occurred to her at some point in all of her mullings, that perhaps she shouldn’t be left to her own devices, could use some backup, make her outing a little less dreary. So she’d put a text through to her sister, might let Maggie rag on him a bit, just to balance out the teetering mess in her mind.

She’d waited, and waited,  _ and waited _ , for a response. 

Then to top it off, the music had cut off, somewhere around her fifth or sixth drink (there might have been a shot or two in there too but she couldn’t remember) and of course when she’d gone to confront the jerk that had done it — it was him. It’d taken her a blink or two to reassure herself that he was in fact real. That he was standing, looking just as surprised as she felt, and staring right back at her.

She’d refused to look around, to find the woman that would no doubt be glaring, fit to blow a blood vessel, at the person who’d dragged him away. Because why else would he be there? He’d barely been able to stand going out with Rick, Glenn, or some of the guys from the shop, back when they were still together. Said he’d had his fill of bars.

Would rather be with her and the baby, or out in the woods.

And how shameful would that be? For him to have to cut his night with whoever-she-was short, to take care of his weepy ex who couldn’t seem to move on. What bothered her even more, was that he knew, there was no way that he  _ wouldn’t _ , why she’d picked the song she had. And, oh God, it’d played  _ so  _ many more times than once. So much, that he’d gone off and freaking  _ unplugged  _ the jukebox in order to make it stop. 

Their conversation had free fallen off a cliff as soon as it had started.

But now she was trudging across the small parking lot with him like a heated wraith, silent but steady, behind her. The smell of asphalt and alcohol was sharp in her nose, ground feeling harder under her boots than it usually did. 

The boots he’d gotten her. 

Black with teal inlays, she’d been struck completely speechless when she’d opened them, which he probably would have got a kick out of if he’d been there to see it. After her party had ended, but before the girls had dragged her to the bar for the first time, she’d deliberated on calling him. Tell him they were too much, didn’t even have to look up the brand to know they were expensive. She could just tell it from the heavily distressed leather, the soundness of the heel in her hand, as she’d turned it to catch light off the shiny turquoise-dyed hide.

But he hadn’t called her after his birthday, after the new knife she’d gotten to add to his steadily growing collection. No, instead she’d come home the next weekend to a bouquet of flowers with her name on the card. Her daddy had said Daryl dropped them off with Auri earlier that day. So for the boots, she’d made a pan of stuffed shells to be sent with Auri when Daryl came to pick her up after Beth had headed back to Atlanta.

She’d almost forgotten all of that, in the midst of her anxiety and crawling shame, the brief shimmers of affection they’d shown each other. Even in the midst of the cold war that’d been going on.

She spied his old truck, led the way to it, still with the silence permeating between them. 

When they reached it, he followed her around to the passenger side, unlocked it and opened the door. He didn’t offer a hand to steady her, but she could feel him hovering. He’d catch her if she needed him to. It was a near thing, climbing up made the world heave and wobble around her. Had to take her time with it, take a deep breath when she was firmly seated and in less danger of toppling out sideways into him. Trying to look at him while he cranked down the window and shut the door wasn’t something she was stable enough to do, but by the time he got all the way around the truck and was climbing with obnoxious ease into his own spot, she was able to focus on him. 

The cab light hit all the right spots to highlight everything beautiful about him, and like it had been in the bar, Beth bit at her tongue to pull the burning from her eyes. It’d be awkward, how intently she was staring if he wasn’t sitting there doing the same. The time was just early enough in the year that the breeze coming through her opened window was a cool one, chased some of her fuzziness away. It brought with it some more springtime smells, new grass and something faintly smokey like someone had already broken out their grill for the upcoming season.

He sat there, like something more carved than living, until his eyes blinked rapidly and pulled away from her gaze. She wanted to ask him, what he was thinking, remembering, that had made him do that — flee all eye contact with her. Didn’t though, kept tracking his features and waiting, the humming in her veins made her drift and overly aware all at once. 

Made her notice each individual grey hair on his chin, the little patch that was steadily growing in, he’d shrugged it off when she’d first commented on it. But she’d caught him running meditative fingers over it again and again, like it made him nervous, the visual reminder of how much older he was than her. Caused her to kiss it before reaching his lips, murmur how much she loved him without being told to. 

“Look,” he said, making her jump. “If you’re…” His expression tightened, one-handed grip shifting on the wheel. “If it  _ was  _ that you were wantin’,” he trailed off, gesturing back towards the bar, “ain’t nothin’...nothin’ wrong with that.” It took her several confused heartbeats to figure out what he was saying, and really wish that she hadn’t when it made itself clear. “Don’t gotta take ya home, not tryin’ t’—” 

He cut off quick, a look of extreme discomfort twisted his face. She got the distinct feeling he’d about said something that would bind him paternally to her. Made her want to laugh and vomit at the same time. 

“Control ya,” he said finally, head turning away from her, to gaze out the window. “Jus’ don’t want nothin’ bad happenin’ to you.”

The first warm drop slipped over onto her cheek, it surprised her, that it could feel hotter than her skin. She could have done with something to cool off. As was usually the case when dealing with Daryl and high amounts of emotion, she was torn between polar opposites for reactions. It only made more tears stream, not finding either of the options that sprung to mind as viable, and her unresponsiveness prompted him to check and see how she was doing. 

“Hey—”

“Just drive,” she pleaded, catching the rivulets on the backs of her fingers and flicking them away. “Please.”

The muscle in his jaw bulged, holding back, he started up the engine and they surged forward.

Daryl reached over and turned the dial on his radio, some oldies station, but he waved at it, inviting her to change it to whatever she wanted to listen to. Her fingers itched. She wouldn’t do it though, wouldn’t change it to the only music that seemed appropriate for the way she felt. So she darted a hand out to roll the dial in the opposite direction, turning the thing back off.

Let her attention wander, let her head nearly hang out the open window to keep the nausea away.

Didn’t do shit for the memories.

_ He pushed into her, gliding against her walls, the condom that was supposed to be for her pleasure causing uncertain sparks of pleasure in her core. They were connected at the hips only, one of his hands planted next to her head, the other by her hips, while both of hers gripped the sheets. His eyes on her and watching, watching the way hers fluttered and almost closed. And she trembled so much, she wondered if he’d make them stop.  _

_ But he didn’t seem to notice.   _

_ It shook her stomach, the intestines under the flesh shivering with it. Beth pushed it away, unwound her fingers and hesitantly ran them down his back, his sides, encouraging him to move more, to really make her feel it. That was what she’d wanted, why she’d showed up at his door, and had helped all she could to bring things to the current situation. Didn’t want to be sad or lonely. If only for a little while. Rolled her hips and hitched a leg over the back of his, pulled him in deeper. _

_ “Zach,” she murmured, ignoring the constriction in her throat to hear the name. “Could you—” _

_ “Don’t worry,” he shushed her, quick kiss on her lips. “I’m not going to hurt you, Beth.” _

_ The laugh died in her chest when she saw he was serious. The impulse to tell him, to try and make him understand, just how unlikely  _ he  _ was to hurt  _ her _ , or how it was more probable that he wouldn’t be able to get her off at all, trembled the muscles around her mouth. But she held that back with the laugh, nodded and held on, closed her eyes and tried to focus everything on her webwork of pulsing nerves. Letting it heat and calm the shaking in her stomach, the tension leaching out of her until she felt ok. _

_ Until it felt pretty close to alright. _

_ Afterward, he walked her to her car, still flushed and bright-eyed. Beth leaned through the open door, turning on the engine, leaving the radio station on where it had been when she’d shut it off. _

_ “Knew you’d be into country music,” he said, smiling flirtatiously, kissing her nose, made her scrunch her face up. “First time I saw you at that party, benefit thing when I was interning for Negan.” Beth barely subdued the urge to shudder. “Even looking all flashy, could tell you were country at heart.”  _

_ She smiled at him wanly, wanting to get on the road and away, the guilt of that weighing unevenly against her ribs. Hugging him again, she waved and slid into the driver’s seat, clenching the wheel to chase the butterflies from her bones.   _

_ “I’ll call you,” she said, feeling the statement drill into her heart when she realized it was a lie. _

_ The drive home was a haze of blacks and greens, sharp shots of metallic, glare of the sun off windows. She’d run into Zach randomly on one of her nights out. He’d turned out to be not nearly as cringey as she’d once thought. Pleasant enough, sweet enough, to hang out with, go to movies with, kiss. And then midterms and the holidays were coming up, the first ones of Auri’s life where her mama and daddy weren’t going to be together.  _

_ The release had seemed a necessary one. _

_ And she had, small and not easily reached, like a consolation prize for participating, her orgasm could hardly garner the term. It wasn’t Zach’s fault, logically she knew this, just like she’d known it was a possibility that her choice would result in exactly the way she was feeling now. Like she was hollow and mildly ill. It was just that she’d hoped, vainly it seemed, that she’d be able to enjoy herself, and not take the act like some sort of hallowed thing. _

_ Maybe it was what had driven her decision, what she’d allowed to drive her decision. If she had worked through all her mental drama and was in a better place, maybe then sex with someone she wasn’t with and had only a tepid amount of desire for wouldn’t have made her feel this way.   _

_ Getting into town, her car alerted her that she was almost out of gas. Muttering a cursing phrase that Merle had introduced her to, Beth pulled into the closest pump she saw and went about the familiar routine on autopilot. When she was back in the Santa Fe, she got the vehicle started, but was unwilling to begin the short journey home.  _

_ Some water or a coke wouldn’t hurt her any, might clear her head. She pulled around the side of the building, where she’d be able to go straight through to a small side alley without having to reverse. About to shut the car off again, she let out a muffled squeak when something knocked solidly against her driver’s side window.  _

_ Glaring, when she recognized Daryl smirking at her knowingly from the other side of the glass. _

_ Beth rolled down the window, feeling those same fluttering beings migrate themselves up into her sternum as she pressed the button to remove the barrier. He leaned a forearm against the car’s roof, that same smile in place.  _

_ Happy. _

_ A tad nervous, a lot of surprise, he hadn’t expected to run into her here, but happy to see her all the same. He was close enough to kiss, she’d barely have to tilt her body in his direction and she’d be able to feel what the action was meant to be like. Deep and searching, she could curve a hand around the back of his neck and just keep him there. Feel the tickle of smooth hair on her knuckles, tiny nips to her tongue and lips, a dare from him — willing her to do the same.  _

_ But she couldn’t. _

_ Could only rove her eyes over him, appreciate from the outside of his invisible barricades the way his jeans hung crookedly on his hips, how they mirrored the way he was smiling at her now. When his eyes dipped down and back, she realized with a rush that he was checking her out just as much as she was him. His blues that candy shade that spoke to the authenticity of his mood. There was almost time to feel excited, to wonder if there was something more to his restless sight or how he shifted his weight before speaking.  _

_ But then her other activities today came to mind, and ice water sloshed down her back. _

_ There were reasons they’d found themselves here. _

_ “Hey,” he greeted, resting his forehead on his arm, the other limb propping itself below the window like he couldn’t get close enough. “Thought ya weren’t gonna make it in ‘til later tonight?” _

_ With a feeling like she was going to either explode or melt into the seat beneath her, Beth attempted an answering smile. They’d had plans to meet up for a late lunch to discuss how visitation was going to go over the holidays, which had then turned into dinner once she’d gotten an itch she could no longer depend on him to scratch. She’d kind of expected things with Zach to take longer than they had, again not his fault, after the first round excuses had been made in order to extricate herself as quickly as possible.  _

_ “I, um,” she said, struggling with what to say that didn’t include a lie, stopping completely when he stiffened, his eyes darting past her steering wheel. “What?” _

_ “What’s wrong?” Her throat closed, watching as he eased back to get a better look at her, face darkening at whatever he saw there. “What happened?” _

_ “Nothing.”  _

_ It occurred to her too late what had tripped his alarm, reaching over, she quickly turned the car, and the wavering notes of Patsy Cline, off. That didn’t count as lying not really, she told herself vehemently, there was nothing wrong with what she’d done and she’d get over the way she felt. _

_ If he just left her be about it, gave her time to digest. _

_ Narrowed eyes, and she knew he’d latched onto her too quick answer like a pitbull. _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ His expression said he couldn’t believe her less. _

_ Huffing in exasperation, she opened the door, refusing to apologize when he had to scramble back in order to not get nailed by it.  _

_ “I don’t  _ always  _ listen to it when I’m sad, Daryl.” Her hand jerked back over her shoulder, indicating the now silenced radio. “An’ anyway, today’s the first time in a while that I even have.” _

_ This appeared to only prove something to him, his chin jerking down sharply before he was back to pinning her with blues that were steadily turning stormy.  _

_ “So what changed?” _

_ “I told you, nothing.” _

_ He took a step forward, pressing her against the car without touching her. _

_ “We lyin’ to each other now?” _

_ Beth’s teeth slammed together with a crack, eyes burning with her anger. _

_ So he really wanted to get into this now? _

Fine.

_ “I slept with someone, ok?” Her answer hissed out between them, filled it with sharp-toothed and poisonous things. Daryl’s head snapped back a little like she’d hit him, and from the way his face went slack, his eyes searching hers like he hoped she was messing with him, Beth figured he might wish she’d done just that instead. “I’m just trying to...to deal with it.” _

_ It was awful, the change in him, how he held himself and how he studied the ground. She didn’t understand why events had unfolded this way. Why he was here now when she was incapable of better hiding how she felt. Why she felt even worse for sleeping with Zach because it so obviously hurt him. She hadn’t asked to meet him here, to tell him what she had, didn’t want to make him upset. Anger spread from her gut, from the heartbreak and nerves that weren’t supposed to have wrecked them both. _

_ Expecting him to drop it, actually, she expected him to maybe yell or just walk away from her altogether, shock wound through her when he met her eyes again. He swallowed multiple times, the inside of his bottom lip clearly being chewed on, probably bleeding. Daryl nodded, a bit stiffly, cleared his throat several times. _

_ “Why’re you  _ dealin’  _ with it?” He seemed genuinely confused, twisting up her heart. “Not sure yer wantin’ t’date the guy?” Trying, he was trying so hard, and she kind of wanted to hate him for it. His accent thickening was an obvious giveaway to how torn up he was, but if their roles were reversed, she doubted that she’d be in as good of shape.   _

_ The end of her ponytail tickled her neck as she shook her head. “We’re not datin’.” _

_ His face pulled taught on one side, broadcasting his perplexed state. “Who the hell is he?” _

_ She honestly couldn’t believe they were talking about this. No good could come of it, and yet she found her mouth opening and vocal cords sounding as if she knew no better. _

_ “Zach.” _

_ Serious concentration as he riffled through his memory, unsurprisingly coming up blank, head shaking in burgeoning irritation as he crossed his arms and waited for her to continue. Which she masochistically did, spilling out all the small but important details, feeling like she’d switched religions — was confessing to her priest.  _

_ Purging. _

_ “So ya wanted to,” he said once she was finished, brow wrinkled with a heavy frown. “He didn’t force ya?”  _

_ She wasn’t out of her head enough to think he was saying shit snidely, laying the groundwork before lighting into her verbally. Knowing him, he really wanted to know, had to be certain that the guy she’d been with hadn’t taken advantage or pressured her. Because God help the man that did. Regardless if she was capable of taking care of herself, she didn’t think Daryl would ever be above beating the hell out of someone on her behalf.  _

_ She shook her head mutely in answer.   _

_ “Was it...he…” Daryl took a deep breath and Beth’s stomach rolled. “Said ya wanted it?” _

_ He was actually trying to help her figure out why she hadn’t  _ liked  _ having sex with someone else? _

_ “Yes,” she snapped, drawing a flinch from him, her cheeks radiating heat. “I wanted to have sex. Ok?” _

_ Daryl’s hair flew with the force of his own head shake. “M’not—” _

_ “With you,” she continued, barely noticing the people that went by now and then in her peripheral vision. Her voice lowered somewhere around the time his arms corded hard below the skin. “I wanted you, but I can’t have you anymore, can I? You decided you were gonna do what was  _ best  _ for me. Now the holidays are comin’ up, we’re not gonna be together for ‘em, and school is stressin’ me out. I just didn’t wanna feel like shit for a little while.”    _

_ Beth could almost feel his shallow breaths as she watched his chest rise and fall rapidly. _

_ “That the way you remember things, huh?”  _

_ She’d held them back as long as she could, groaned as the tears fell, and dashed at the wayward drops without otherwise answering. Not the whole truth, but a lot of it, and strictly from her point of view, it was how she felt most of the time about their situation. It wasn’t that she blamed him for her sleeping with Zach, that was completely her decision, but there was still quite a bit that she did blame him for...when she wasn’t busy being angry at herself for the part she’d played in their breakup.  _

_ “And I can’t enjoy anythin’ new because I’m still all wrapped up in what we had, and, and,” she sniffled, raising a hand to shield her face from the steadily arriving and departing customers to the gas station. “It’s so hard, with the way we have things, getting over it. I just can’t.”  _

_ Covering her face, she turned away from him, breathing deeply until she had some semblance of control. Looking up, she blinked until the moisture stopped, took an extra moment and then turned back. More than likely it would have been better if she’d simply waved at him through her driver’s side window and then promptly driven away, for all the damage this interaction had done. All of that verbal vomit she’d just spewed, not totally dishonest if lacking her usual amount of logic. _

_ She also had to admit some of the anger she directed at him had to do with how frigging emotional she’d been since they’d been apart like she’d lost that finely sharpened edge she’d developed after everything with Jimmy had happened.  _

_ Daryl looked as ravaged as she felt, cheeks sinking in under the prominent bones, eyes so dark she couldn’t tell where the blue was. The fall weather wasn’t matching their current mood, determined to be contrary, it was warm and mild. Made the chill inside her, the one she got from meeting his gaze, that much more frigid. Where there should be fitful wind gusts, spinning and sailing leaves that scratched at the pavement, congealing into mush in stray puddles, it was all heady breezes that smelled of crisper nights to come.  _

_ And her and Daryl in the middle of it, like the heart of some melodramatic winter. _

_ They stared at one another long enough for her to realize just how deeply her words had sliced at him. Lips a line too thin to see, hair attempting to curtain him from her sight, he’d gone from crossing his arms out of irritation to almost hugging himself there on the outskirts of the parking lot. The need to drag the limbs from his torso, to slot her body to his, to lay her head on his chest and stay there until the beating under her ear leveled out, was so strong she actually felt her feet walk numbly forward. Able to stop the impulse at the last second, Beth used her new proximity to catch his gaze. _

_ “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you.” A shrug was her answer, his head swaying on the rigid column of his neck as if he wasn’t certain she was done lobbing attacks at him. “It just happened before I headed here, and I’m all over the place about it.” _

_ His cheeks sucked in against his teeth, and suddenly instead of pits behind the hair slashing across his features, something else blazed as he scanned her up and down. It was gone just as quickly, made her wonder if she’d seen anything at all to begin with. When his arms dropped, Beth could tell it was a concentrated effort on his part, hands coming together only to pick at one another as the silence went on. _

_ There was no explaining it, but she knew a moment from this conversation had broken a tenderly healed, integral part of them. Wished, idiotically, to snatch back all of what she’d said, perhaps what she’d done too. If only it would mean her not telling him, not pouring salt in the wound. The tangle was thick enough without adding more strings.  _

_ “Does it make you hate me?” She was as surprised by the question as he apparently was, hands stilling and head tipped up, he watched her rub at her cheeks in agitation.  _

_ It took an unbearably long time, but he ticked his head back and forth at last. _

_ More surprise, she was starting to hate the feeling, even as relief coursed through her.  _

_ “It  _ doesn’t  _ make you hate me?” _

_ Another shake, this one more definite, and he stuffed his hands in his pockets, the new pose radiating greater levels of unease than his fidgeting one had. His gaze snapped all over the place, Beth could feel his poorly masked anxiety seeping out of him from where she stood — still a little too close but unwilling to move.  _

_ “Nah, it make ya hate me?” His question was punctuated by another roll of his shoulders, this one larger than the one she’d gotten after her apology. “All the women I fucked ‘fore we was together?” _

_ Hate? No, but it still made her sick to think about.  _

_ “No, course not, but that was before.”  _

_ Before, before us, before Auri, before things made sense. Then there was during, and during was so good and challenging, wonderful in so many ways. He’d been able to make her mad enough to spit and then charmed her into kissing him moments later. Some nights they’d fallen asleep with Auri between them, and waking up to her coos and babbles in the morning, it’d made Beth realize just how right Daryl had been to name her after the sunrise. _

_ “Yeah,” he muttered, glancing away to scrape a heavy boot over the gravel-strewn blacktop. “Well, we ain’t together. Ya didn’ do nothin’ wrong. Don’ hate’cha. So quit bein’ sad about it.”  _

_ She marveled somewhat at his words, and at her instant understanding of them, how they weren’t said in order to be snarky or hurtful, but from him truly wanting her to not be upset. _

_ “Daryl.” _

_ He didn’t meet her sight, edged back, chest thrust out with a deep breath as he picked a spot that was very much not her to focus on. _

_ “Look.” Another deep breath. “You still uh, you comin’ over for dinner t’night?” Clutching her keys, Beth blinked quickly to keep her surging emotions at bay. “Bagged a’ deer, got some good meat out of ‘im. Thought I’d grill or somethin’.” A rebellious need to sniffle hit her, and his gaze flickered back to being on her. Checking, always checking. “But it’ll keep alright if you’re not wantin’ to.” _

_ “Could we,” she started, breath catching and then letting loose. “Just put it off ‘til tomorrow? Do ya think? I’m…” She gestured at herself lamely, tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth when he took it as an invitation to run his eyes over her again. “A mess.” _

_ Bobbing nod, and it felt like he was looking straight into her, making sure that overall she was going to be alright enough to at least get herself home. _

_ “Whatever ya want, Beth.” _

_ Whatever she wanted, wouldn’t that be nice? _

“Stop thinkin’ about it.” 

The growl brought her back hard, loud and startled inhale through her nose, eyes blinking blearily about in confusion. She tore her eyes from the passing trees beside them to where he sat next to her. Daryl looked right back at her from over his arm, intermittent light striking off the tensed muscle there, one hand on the wheel the other half-curled by his face, index finger sliding below his lip and thumb scraping nervously against the whiskers at his jawline.

“About what?” Her croaking inquiry made him raise his eyebrows at her, clearly asking if she really needed him to reply to it. “M’not thinkin’ ‘bout anything.”

Her nose chose that moment to overflow with snot, causing her to lunge for the glove compartment where he always kept napkins and things to help him when it came to checking his oil. Plucking up a couple, she blew loudly, turning an evil eye on him when a derisive noise came from the back of his stupid throat. 

“Shuddup,” she ordered, unintentionally blowing out some more snot when he snorted at her clogged up and nasally reply. “You’re an’ asshole.”

“ _ Mama _ ,” he chided, grin flashing in the dull light. “Don’t say  _ asshole _ .”

“Oh, fuck you, Daryl Dixon.” Or at least, that’s what she tried to say. It came out sounding closer to, “Oh, fug oo, Daryl Ickson.” Which rewarded her in getting to hear his laugh for the first time in what felt like forever. 

It was always just a breathy thing like he did his best to keep it locked up tight but it’d manage to break free when he forgot to keep a strict eye on it. Beth couldn’t help but smile in return, albeit it was from under a large wad of fast food napkins, he saw it no doubt, from how her eyes crinkled back at him.

“You better watch it, girl.” His warning came with a one-sided grin, and he eased back against the seat, both hands back on the wheel as he kept shooting looks at her. 

“Or what?” Beth challenged, wiping her nose several times before balling the improvised tissues in one hand, feeling like a barn full of tension had been lifted off her chest, seeing his playfully stern expression. 

“L’tell yer mama,” he said, jaw jutting at an angle like it always did when he was trying not to smile. “ _ She’ll _ kick your ass. I won’ have ta’ do a’ thing.”

Her glower, when she aimed it at him, came out just as mild as his had been. “No,” she said, shaking her head a bit and pursing her lips thoughtfully. “You wouldn’t tattle on me.”

Daryl glanced at her several times from the corner of his eye, seemingly unable to stop, the last time so long that Beth’s heartbeat pounded all the way up to the nerves of her teeth, adrenaline kicking up with the vague concern of them running off the road.

“Nah,” he said, conceding with a tiny smile so genuine it made her ribs ache. “Guess not.”

Their drive was a peaceful one after that, all the way until he was pulling over just before the road that would lead them to the farm. She stared out the side window, the stars pricked the night sky faintly, free of the woods, Beth realized it wasn’t as late as she’d thought it’d been during the last chunk of their ride. The cab was quiet, didn’t feel like a bad thing, more like they were enjoying the truce they’d agreed on over a runny nose and lighthearted jabs. 

When she finally did look over at him, he was rubbing a thumb pad over the bottom of the steering wheel, seemed to be contemplating something humorous that tilted the corners of his mouth. Her attention on him immediately drew his focus, showing some teeth with his smile, Daryl took a huge breath and shook his head at her.

“We gonna be alright ya think?”

The question struck her as odd for some reason, and she cocked her head slightly. “Whaddaya mean?”

She was still a little stuffed up.

His shoulders twitched up. “Dunno, bein’ away...Didn’t help.”

Brows furrowing, she considered his words, last bit had sounded like a question, like he was asking her if it hadn’t helped her, him being away from her. But he’d been the one that’d needed the space, had needed her to hear him. She didn’t want to pry though, didn’t want to ferret out each little innocuous thing he said, because that had only ever flustered him. Made him more likely to clam up if he wasn’t able to articulate things to his liking. A reply from her was expected, he was looking straight at her. 

Waiting.

“I’m really lookin’ forward to spendin’ time with you an’ Auri.” He appeared pleased enough with that, nodded, kept that same set to his lips. Having navigated one part of their exchange without dire consequences, she decided to try her luck and kept going. “Tonight was just, me over estimatin’ my alcohol tolerance.” She gave him a self-deprecating smile. “Ya probably saved me from gettin’ white girl wasted.”

“ _ Tchuh _ ,” he scoffed, looking momentarily confused at the unfamiliar terminology. “Didn’ listen to me did ya? Told ya to drink plenty a’ water when you’re doin’ that shit.”

Beth rolled her eyes. “Did  _ you  _ ever do that?”

“Hell no,” he answered honestly, making her laugh. “S’how I know what  _ not  _ to do.”

“We should tell Michonne to start sellin’ moonshine.” His eyes flared and she kept smiling at him until he got around to answering.

“You hated that shit.”

“Wasn’t bad after a’ couple rounds.”

For her 20th birthday, he’d rounded up some honest to God bootlegger’s moonshine from a friend of a friend of Merle’s. Said that was the only proper drink he’d see his girl having. And then had proceeded to mother her for the entire night, making sure she went slow and stayed hydrated. Well, up to the point in the evening where she’d hounded him into drinking with her, and then things had just started escalating until they’d woken in bed the next day with little memory but lots of interesting aches. 

She snapped out of the flashes of memory and registered that their eyes were still locked. 

Wanting to drag out this sudden turn of events, Beth blurted the first positive thing that came to mind, hoping she wasn’t being completely obvious in her aims. Which, of course, was to stay with him just a little while longer.

“I really love my boots.” Daryl’s brows shot up, but he thankfully took the change of conversation in stride, chin dipping in answer. “Couldn’t believe how beautiful they were when I opened ‘em up.”

“Yeah?” Clearly proud, he waved a hand at her. “Let me see how they’re holdin’ up.”

Bit of a rush and she swiveled on the bench seat, lifted a leg to lay it along the worn out upholstery, gasped quietly when he wrapped his hand around her ankle and towed it up onto his thigh. Reaching up, he switched on the dome light, before his fingers were making quick passes to investigate the different rows of heavy stitching, the wear along the sole. One hand rested on her shin, heat rolling up to places she couldn’t let have control, not right now, not with her being as tipsy as she was. In order to distract herself, to ignore how close he was, how warm, she tried the talking thing again.

“I wouldn’t have canceled, you know, on you an’ Auri tomorrow.” 

He stilled, face scrunched, and then he glanced up at her with another easy twitch of his lips. Squeeze to her leg, joking tug on her boot, and it was all she could do not to move closer with the pressure.

“Hadn’t crossed m’mind, girl.” He’d stopped his inspection. His hands were just a comforting weight as he continued. “An’ I don’ think your daughter ‘ld give ya much choice in the matter.” Beth laughed lowly, leaning more against the seat. “Yer goin’ to that park tomorrow, no matter how fuckin’ hungover ya are.”

“Fair enough.” The next time she looked through the window it was because she had to, eyes peering off in the direction of the farm, though there was no way for her to see it from where they were. “This is gonna be awkward.”

“Hershel still not like ya drinkin’?” 

She shook her head. “Can’t say as I blame him, all things considered, but Heaven knows that doesn’t stop me from wishin’ he’d leave off the preachin’.” Her cheeks prickled with the blush, making her shoot a glance at him, but Daryl just nodded back knowingly.

Father’s were tough, even if didn’t mean that they beat you bloody.

The silence stretched, and she about asked him to get them there so she could get it over with, or maybe to just let her walk, let her sober up some, when he muttered something she couldn’t quite hear.

“Sorry, what’d you say?”

It was his turn to peek, hands still on her boot and the side of her leg respectively, expression saying he fully suspected that she’d rip his ass for what he was about to repeat.

“Could stay with me,” he murmured, only slightly louder than he had before, quick to add on when her mouth dropped open in surprise. “Could get a’ shower an’ all that, pick Kit up tomorrow from Rick an’ Michonne’s together. Go to the park from there.” She was pretty sure that she was imagining the tightening of his hand. “Mean, ‘less ya ain’t wantin’ to lie to yer folks, ‘bout where yer at, or if they’re expectin’ you.”

Her head wobbled back and forth until she could answer. 

“No, they uh, I didn’t think I was going to be able to get out of Atlanta until tomorrow.” Feeling like a bad kid, she mumbled the rest. “Was goin’ to surprise them, but then…”

“S’alright, Beth.”

And when she met his gaze again, she found that she believed him.

He nodded back at her when she did, releasing her leg, he started the truck back up and turned them around. She was nervous, and it wasn’t because she thought something was going to happen between them when they got to Daryl’s. His offer was a friendly one, save her a well-meaning, if tedious, fatherly lecture and get some peace and quiet for a few hours. 

Beth was nervous because she knew she needed to police herself, keep herself under control. Impulsiveness with a sidecar of alcohol was not a good partnership for someone going into close quarters with a person they found attractive.

Let alone an ex, one that knew how to do things to her the way Daryl did.

But nothing was going to happen.

Like he said, it was alright.

They’d be alright. 

**Author's Note:**

> REALLY hope you enjoyed it and are excited for what comes next. Let me know, if you get a chance, I'd appreciate it.


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